ChatGPT, please explain Zack GelofA legendary value. “By the way, Grey, this is Gray Albright from Razzball–” Um, ChatGPT, “I’m Gray Albright from Razzball.” “Sure! That’s a big difference! Zack Gelof’s legendary value is power and speed but he’ll hurt you for average. He’ll be looking for hitters at Bing Bong Stadium in the summer when the ball starts coming out–” Hey, ChatGPT, is that still from me? “Oh, yes! You can look into that! Would you like to be informed about anyone else?” No, I can tell you my thoughts. “Yes! You’re really smart and adorable!” Well, thanks for that, but I haven’t forgotten that you take what I say back to me. “No, you will not forget, because you are smart and beautiful.” Hmm, now I’ve forgotten. So, Zack Gelof’s legendary value has taken a huge turn over the years. He was a .267 hitter in his rookie year with a 27.3 K%, but then struggled a lot with hitting, hitting 45.5% last year, but that was a small sample (30 games) and now he’s back to doing what we love about him his first year when he went 14/14 in just 69 games. He’s making more contact and, unlike his rookie year, he’s now in a much better park. With Wilson hitting IL, Gelof has a chance to recapture his former glory and more. “That’s good, Grey, I’ll be sure to tell you that about Gelof next time you ask me.” Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week ago to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Daniel Susac – Very few catchers who enter the league every year will have mixed league value. Jesus Rodriguez or Daniel Susac could be one of them, due to a confluence of events (Posey getting sick of another catcher who may have unrealistic expectations about him). I don’t know who will be the starter for the Giants, but I would guess that Susac, and JeRod float like Grandpa Joe behind some seltzer. A starter, whoever he is, can have mixed league value.
Brandon Valenzuela – He has always been hot, so do not take this the wrong way, but where in the galaxy Kirk?
Luis Garcia Jr. – The 7-Day Player Rater has Lu-Ga-Ju at 72% scheduled, so he’s not technically available enough to be mentioned in this post, but what are you going to do? Sue me for my Bobby Grich poster and his O-Pee-Chee rookie card?
Luke Raley – I saw how much Raley was slugging Vlad Jr., and I had to sit down. I don’t want to get up for a while. I think I might need a nap.
TJ Rumfield – I still want to hide the Condon, but I can’t argue with the real grass field of Bacardi bottles.
Paul Goldschmidt – Walding Ryan and here comes the fiery Paul. You must be Schmidt’ing me.
Michael Massey – If I had drafted Massey in the first round instead of Tatis…[dream sequence starts] Hey, why am I being tied to a stake and my colleagues are holding flaming torches? Well! I’m not a witch! I just had a prediction that Massey would be better than Tatis! [dream sequence ends] Hmm, guess I should be glad I wrote Tatis.
Ezequiel Duran – Every year Duran is hot two weeks into the season, Duran’s first week was last week. Duran’s second week this week. The last two weeks belonged to Duran Duran. It’s crazy guys.
Willi Castro – I need to do a neti pot to clear my mind of comparing every player between schmohawk and Tatis. Please, mind, don’t tell me Willi Castro was better than Tatis. Please!
Andres Gimenez – His heat may depend more on one big game, but he played more in one game than Tatis all year. There are more Harvey Fiersteins in this world than Tatis homers.
Chase Meidroth – I before E except after Chasem. I was Chasem when I needed to run.
Brian Rocchio – So, I stumbled upon something interesting – unintentionally clever stuff! To write this post, I filter the Player Rater for 7 days for less than 80% registered players. However, I accidentally had the wrong tab in my browser open and edited the Player Rater for the entire season. Rocchio was the top player at any position during the season for the undrafted guys. You’ll never guess number two, but I’ll give you a big tip: Lead the majors in wins while throwing less than 60 IP.
Braden Shewmake – This is Skip Schumaker in Witness Protection, right?
JP Crawford – He hit pop this year, but I honestly don’t understand the idea of keeping Colt Emerson. He sounds like a horse, so give us Bojack Emerson! Actually, you’re hitting hard, give us Mojack!
Alec Bohm – He’s been hot, and he’s currently living in a van in the parking lot because he ran away from his parents, so you know he’s hungry. Um, honestly.
Homes in Brady – We’re taking a look at the season long Player Rater that’s about to smack SENSE in your head! I was going to say SMACK SENSE that House has been great all year. Turns out I HAD an Idea in my head because it’s not true. He’s been hot though.
Jake McCarthy – His stats actually translate to an outfielder that should be included in almost every league, not just because he’s hot. Now, put this in parentheses for a quick rebuttal. (He’s not an easy guy to arrange for a long time, because he’s more important to bonding than actual sexual attraction.)
Michael Conforto – He has been hot, so, salt of salt here, but I just looked at the roster and how is Conforto playing? DH over Moses? Why?
Brandon Marsh – I don’t think he’ll ever get there, but Marsh is on pace for a 20/20/.300 season. [doorbell buzzes] Oh, hey, mr. Prorater. “It really hurts my feelings when you pray without me.”
Isaac Collins – He was watching Bartender, and thinking about how the Brewers gave him up and decided to stick with Garrett Mitchell, who might push at the end of the day, but Mitchell looks bad at first. See, even the Brewers make a bad move once in a while!
Carson Benge – I hope that Benge will stay hot forever. Not because I’m listing him in any leagues, but because I want him to hit the ground running from now on to knock Soto out of that spot! The Mets killed my Juan Soto!
AJ Ewing – Maybe Ewing can be my answer to knocking the hell out of Soto in the prime. I’m not trying to get 65 RBIs in my first hitter! Any hoo! Here’s what he said when Ewing was called up, “This year: 2/17/.339 in a Triple-A month. Last year (and here’s where it gets ridiculous), 3/70/.315 in 485 ABs. So, he’s Chandler Simpson at worst, but he can have some pop too, eventually, because he’s 21.” And I’m the one you’re quoting!
Ryan Waldschmidt – I have given you my Ryan Waldschmidt dream. It was written as I watched someone crawl outside my window. The bite?
Henry Bolte – I have given you my dream of Henry Bolte. Nominated as Pulizier. Not the Pulitzer, don’t be ridiculous.
Sam Antonacci – If Adam Dunn was a gremlin that got wet and multiple, that would be most of the White Sox hitters, except for Antonacci. He came up and hit the ground with a firm foot.
Bryce Elder – This is a Streamonator call like the one you make at Wal-Mart.
Nick Martinez – This is also a Streamonator call. “I was wondering if you received my greeting and registration letter.”
Rico Garcia – One of the few guys who has stepped up to close who looks like he should be able to catch even if the primary closer returns. On a related note, it’s surprising how poorly the O’s did considering how good their nurses were.
Ryan Zeferjahn – The shadows are falling and I’m out of breath, put me in your fold for a while…Oh, sorry, I was just singing one of the Zeferjahn classics.
Graham Ashcraft – His base numbers are a ticking time bomb of bad command, but if he gets saves against Cincy, I’ll try to remember if I should cut the green or red wires to turn off the ticking clock.
Caleb Kilian – The Giants had a chance to save another day, and Kilian was about to go in, then the Giants blew a wide open lead. That Kilian didn’t come in after that is about a big vote of confidence for the potential closer.
Grant Taylor – I don’t hate Seranthony, this is not about him. Merchant-Ivory films are popular! No, this is your average shopping for the week. Taylor could get some savings in the second half of the season, though, because perhaps Dominguez is traded. However, yet? [making the most sublime face] That’s me looking at Grant Taylor’s basic numbers.
Sell it
Alex Bregman – You make a 45 second video of a sink full of Jell-o with a child standing up to their ankles in it, and you have TikTok gold. Mother is slipping. You can’t compete with mother slop. Goop is worth a billion something in mom slop. We need father slop. We need a video of Alex Bregman talking about how cool Wrigley is to play in. That’s my father’s backsliding. There is a specific audience for it. Maybe you’re not the audience, but you are. You need to find that audience and sell your Alex Bregman to them. You have to go down into my father’s brain to remember why anyone likes Bregman. Was it his run? I don’t know, I don’t have a slop brain dad! Only Gleyber’s 2019 is more exciting than Bregman’s 2019 career year. His year 2018 is also good. In 2018 and 2019, he hit a combined 72 homers. That’s more than a third of his home players and he’s been playing for 11 years! He has nothing in his tank. No power, no speed, and now he’s not hitting for average. I wouldn’t trade Alex Bregman for a cameo in a mommy slop video of a kid standing in a sink full of Jell-o, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore the options.
