Blake Snell pulled loose bodies, which is the only thing for every party in LA. If you can’t get rid of loose bodies, and you’re partying in LA? I’m sorry, do you have Carvel supplying Fudgie the Whale? Because no self-respecting group in LA has zero loose bodies removed. I remember one party where they had a pool player play and they were like, “Crap, that’s why the pool safe is stuck, there’s a loose body in it.” Then call Dr. Neal Elatrache and read his business card when he replied, “This is Dr. Neil and I are removing loose bodies.” It’s the usual good stuff. So, you know where you’ll never find a loose body in LA? In Ryan Riverbecause LA has no rivers. That thing in the movie, Chinatown, is not just a reservoir. So, River’s velocity is back to pre-TJ levels (101 MPH) and he’s eating up minor league hitters (11.8 K/9, 1.7 BB/9), and this is basically what he’s done all along. There’s no reason not to take a chance on him around the league for his next call-up, because Eric Lauer isn’t the Dodgers’ real answer. Worst case scenario, Ryan is called, it’s not good and he ditches her. Although I think, the worst for him, would be a loose body floating up in the armrest. Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week ago to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Mitch Garver – There is zero egg beating this week. I don’t remember it being this bad for another week. Although, I only remember, like, the last ten days.
Nathaniel Lowe – Do you think he extended his name to Nathaniel because when it was Nathan Lowe, people kept asking him if he was in The Birdcage?
Jake Bauers -There are some hot guys this week and then there’s a guy like Jake Bauers, who I can’t figure out how to get out of any league. He destroys Vlad Jr. at the rate of the season.
Spencer Horwitz – So, this is dangerous. As of this writing (I won’t be double-checking this on Friday, so it may be different when non-Patreons read this), but in the 30-day Player Rater, there are 32 1st basemen in the top 100. Over a third of all hitters in the top 100 are first basemen! (There are 12 3rd basemen for comp sake.)
Curtis Mead – This is your call Curtissy to remind you that these players are hot, according to the 7-day Player Rater, but also that Mead is now locked in the three hole of the best list.
Coby Mayo The other day I said the O’s never developed a hitter or a pitcher, but I’m rethinking that. What if they just write badly? What if these guys are always what they are?
Oswald Peraza – His stats so far this year look like a guy who understands providing fantasy value. He did his best. If he had the runs and RBIs to go with his power and speed, he would be a top ten 3rd baseman (not a huge endorsement, but something).
Chase Meidroth – The White Sox aren’t a bad hitting team (they have decent pitchers), and Meidroth was among that. Or rather he’s ahead, since he’s batting part-time at least.
Nick Allen – In this house, we call him Knick Allen. [tosses a crumpled piece of paper at a wastepaper basket and misses by five feet]
Tommy Troy Here’s what I said when he called, “To call him, they use Tommy Troy’s number, 867-5309. I looked up Tommy Tutone’s songs to see if I’m forgetting any, and they list their top songs as:
Jenny/867-5309
867-5309/Jenny
I like that about them. Imagine if you had that phone number at any time in the last 40 years. You could tell someone your phone number and then you have to wait ten seconds while they sing a song and ask if they can call you, Jenny. The person with that phone number must have deliberately said his number out of rhythm. “Uh, yeah, it’s an 8, got that? Cool, then a 6. Okay, you still with me? Cool, 7, 5, 3…You got those? Great, add a zero and a nine.” So, the DBacks said they will play Troy while Lou-Gu-Ju is out with a hamstring injury. Here’s Itch, “The 12th overall pick out of Stanford in 2023, Tommy Troy made some changes as a pro and enjoyed a breakout season in 2025, hitting .289/.382/.451 with 15 home runs, 24 stolen bases and a 16.95 percentage. 125% Double in Glue games (38 g). He’ll probably open the season in that hitter setting. So, they’ve tried him in the outfield, and that’s where he’s hitting .307 in Triple-A this year (.411 BABIP, but still). Lou-Gu-Ju coming back. And his skills translate well, but about 15 teams are mixed and deep this time. After yesterday, Tommy Troy is better than just one miracle!
Colt Emerson – You have already given you Colt Emerson’s dream. Written while riding shotgun with a student driver.
Anthony Volpe – The Yanks are committed to Volpe working for them, even trading him for James Wood, according to @WhenNoOnesGotUsSteinbrennersGotUs.
Nolan Arenado – Bauers and Arenado should not be found in any league, but Arenado is a little understandable, since he is in the Big Fade, which is not noir and never was, saying like brooding Dr. Seuss.
Miguel Andujar – Brucely, I find it funny that Andujar is the best hitter on the Padres, Tatis, Machado and Merrill are on top.
Alec Bohm – She has now appeared in the Buy column more times than her mother has gone to the pawn shop with her jewelry.
Heriberto Hernandez – His pronouns are Ye/Heriberto. And his playtime is eh/meh.
Rikuu Nishida – Here’s what I said the other day, “He was called up by the White Sox. You probably know Murakami and Kay too. You know, because now they’re all in the White Sox. Nishida has Chandler Simpson-like speed and a hit tool. He’s the Japanese Simpson. Call him Homer-san. He might get a chance to play, but we’ll be back soon because Austins Hays.” And I’m the one you’re quoting!
Ryan Vilade – It might not be obvious, but I’m looking at the boys’ page stats for this post. If I feel the need to point something out, I will point it out. A lot of times it’s like, “Meh, she’s hot, what about her stats?” Vilade, then, must have upset a lot of people along the way or been behind better players, because he had a 12/24/.303 minor league year, then 13/20/.278 in Triple-A, and then 17/11/.290 in Triple-A. That’s four different groups! Some of that should have been enough, but this year is the first time he’s seen real playing time in the majors. Not to say he’s amazing, but he shouldn’t be 27 with less than 30 games in the big games coming up this year.
Colton Cowser – You know how I keep saying stop throwing Murakami fastballs and maybe you can get him out? That’s the entire Orioles team. I’m not sure Cowser ever hit a curve.
Leody Taveras – I saw Leody above Tatis on Player Rater for the entire season, and I was disappointed, watching the windshield wipers go back and forth on the dry windshield, with no clouds in sight.
Christian Scott – This is a Streamonator call, like an expensive call to Wells Fargo.
Foster Griffin – This is also a Streamonator call. “I owe you an ATM in your parking lot. We went out on a date and I forgot my wallet.”
Kyle Finnegan – He should replace Kenley Jansen. Will Vest gets Ks, I heard his name when we were talking about 401K, but Finnegan was the 8th inning and he has close experience.
Daniel Lynch IV – So, I don’t think Erceg is out yet, but Lynch has done well this year. He looks better than the previous incarnation we saw of him. Way better than Daniel Lynch, Daniel Lynch II, or Daniel Lynch III.
Bryan King – The Astros seem to change their Bryants once every two weeks in their closer. Guess it’s up to them, you know, because it’s B. King, you can do it your way.
Richard Lovelady – You can make a list of Hogan Harris, Yoendrys Gomez, Juan Mejia and other bad guys, who might get saves, and, you can check that, I just did it! So, is Dick Lovelady in front of Gus Varland to save? Has Dick gone to the head of the pen? That’s not much of a penny! Sorry, I’m just saying the Nats pen isn’t good.
Pierce Johnson – You can get Reds saves, and, if you have Lovelady and Pierce Johnson, you can start your own NSFW subreddit. Tony Santillan could also get the save for the Reds.
Kevin Kelly – Has one of the best relievers in baseball. Let that sink in.
Sell it
Michael King – Tried to avoid telling you to Sell Pots for the most part, because it was early and the prices are a little unstable. We’ve gone a little over there. We are post-bit. Michael King is on royal court for Exceeding His Peripherals. It is a small country in Italy. His family visits the Italian Royals for the KC Royals. Any hoo! The king of EHP doesn’t look like he’s going to be wasted, but he lives up to his court name and Beyond His Limits. His pace increased slightly; his homers are slightly suppressed; His pursuit is high and communication is low. Those last two were good things. It shows that he doesn’t ride badly, but just not as ace. Also, he had injury issues and only threw 73 1/3 IP last year, which is probably already there. I wouldn’t trade Michael King for a grass skirt made of hay I don’t like, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and check out the options.
