I want to talk Troy Melton but first we have to admit that the Tigers got 14 and the stars of the hit are: Gleyber Torres (2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer). I’m sure Hinch saw that Gleyber used to hit at the top of the lineup for the Yanks – three years ago – and he was like, “Welp, he must be a great player.” No one has succeeded with less money than Torres. The Nats won’t even give CJ Abrams the top two spot on the roster and it’s Gleyber every day for the Tigers! Also, in this game, Eduardo Valencia (4-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 3rd and 4th homers. You miss Eduardo Valencia. He’s the guy who does this: “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “An orange?” “Orange who?” “Valencia oranges are amazing!” Eduardo Valencia has great power (24 HRs last year, 17 this year) and could have AL-Only value. But who cares, I want to talk about Troy Melton. Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.75. That’s what I had to find out this week from Keider Montero! But, no, talk about Melton! That’s right, Melton is sitting at 8.1 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.88 xFIP, and a 43.5% GB rate. If that sounds a little meh, it’s better than that. He puts up about 33% HardHit, which would be close to Skenes and 6.3% barrels, which would be top 15, that is, he gets some K’s and draws weak contact. That’s Melton, baby! (I never said M&M’s.) Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Javier Baez – 3-for-4, 1 run as activated from IL. Hang on! The Tigers got Baez! Don’t trade Skubal yet!
Kyle Manzardo – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer, a grand slam. Manzardo often goes from Man to Zardo, his unhittable alter ego, seemingly overnight.
Gavin Williams – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.71. He has struck out more than 10 and allowed more than one walk in four straight starts. You know how I know when someone is running helluva? When I think of myself as a lede, after starting it all. Gavin Williams has become a top 20 starter. Don’t panic. Everything is there.
Chase Burns – 5 IP, 1 ER, but 4 unearned runs, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.40. Ticket shock! I’m not sure who is luckier than him and his owners when it comes to setbacks. Burns giving up a grand slam and not getting it? No, it’s okay. Sure you feel like a pitcher who gives up a grand slam has a little responsibility, but I guess no one wants to be held accountable in today’s world!
Sal Stewart – 2-for-6, 3 RBIs and a slam (22) and walks (12). Sal likes double headers almost as much as Ernie Banks or Jennifer Connelly.
JJ Bleday – 1-for-8 with his 18th homer, second homer in five games. One-for-eight is a heckuva line to make even a homer happy, in very small caps.
Brian Serven – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his first homer. Maybe Langeliers wasn’t great at all, maybe it was just the stuff holding the A’s back from hitting homers. Hmm. [pause] Hmm. You will sleep in it! And, in a funny Jim Leyland-esque lineup card, Jonah Heim continues to hit 3, even DH. It stinks!
Gage Jump – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.00 vs. Jake Bennett – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.74. It would have worked great, and I’m not sure what Streamonator has to say about it, but, if you started both of these guys on Bing Bong, I’m afraid you might be working with a loose screw.
Tommy White – 4-for-4, 2 runs. The A’s are developing good hitters. Cust kayin’.
Curtis Mead – Hit IL with a broken wrist. Hang in there, I got this! Let me spray this Wrist-Injury-B-Gone! [reading bottle, extremely toxic, don’t spray on fantasy team] Bruh. Hello! You must be kidding me! I’d be laughing at the Red Sox’s misfortune if I didn’t have Mead, and I was planning on enjoying that! His wrist felt fine after the incident, but apparently not, so they called Nick Sogard. Was the doctor who diagnosed Curtis Mead the same doctor who said Roman Anthony would miss a little time? I ask questions.
Brandon Pfaadt – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.00. I’m sick of doing math. I’ve been going to the ERA calculator and finding out what Pfadt has done since coming back from the minors, and it’s been good, but it’s not moving. You don’t care!
Bubba Chandler – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.64. The good news is that Money Chandler, his mother, won the election for District Attorney so that Bubba could not be prosecuted for his crimes.
Aaron Nola – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.61. I just went to see what Streamonator predicted for Nola: 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. 1 ER, not 2 ER and 5 Ks not 4! Dumb robot!
Sandy Alcantara – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.82. I watched most of this show, while making pizza, and Sandy pitched better than my pizza came out. I bought one of those pizza ovens that goes up to 1,000 degrees and it cooks a pizza in 15 seconds but only the outside cooks, and the inside is raw and I think I’m going to be sick. I shouldn’t have eaten one of them, let alone three. Any hoo! Sandy seems to be the starter of the iffy backend in the 12 teams.
Kyle Stowers – 1-for-3 with his 14th homer, second homer in three games. That you hit this home run off Nola counts as three-quarters of a homer, so congratulations on three.
Michael McGreevy – 1 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.57. The Regression Fairies were banished yesterday. I must have heard Madonna’s new album.
Griffin Jax – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.74. Radiation can turn you into a usable third number. Don’t look behind you. Yes, identify yourself. I’m talking about you.
Byron Buxton – Out of the game with hip pain. This is the very issue that forced him to join IL earlier this year. I wish I could send some of my dope hipness his way.
Hello Bradley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Taj Mah-My-Number-Two-But-In-A-Good-Way!
Alex Lange – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6.33 ERA, and his third save. It sounds like his 33rd save. It might be confirmation bias or another word for Psych 101, but the Royals feel like they’re safer than any other team. [looking it up] Yes, I am wrong. It’s the Nats. They have 27, and the Royals have 19 in the 4th.
Justin Wrobleski – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.88. That’s too bad. [you do the Larry David lean-in to see if I really think it’s too bad] A real shame. [you eye me closer to see if my expression cracks]
Max Muncy – 1-for-4 with a slam (21) and a walk (2). Max is a Muncist!
Shohei Ohtani – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .286. Adding to being a top-five starter most of the year gives him a boost, but 23 homers and six steals a year? He won’t say it’s bad, but, if he only hits your league, is that a return on investment? Yes, he is probably top 10 on Player Rater as a batsman! Get out of here! Who did you prefer to write, Judge? Witt? JRam?
Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (16) and walks (13). [glowing red eyes] JRod, 2nd half, starts the journey.
Raleigh – 1-for-4 with his 11th homer. Brady Anderson made his 50-homer season seem out of nowhere than at Cal.
Dominic Canzone – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homers. Call him Bombinic Canzone!
Jordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 35th homer. Captain Woo Cubano is my favorite 378-pound kid.
Christian Walker – 2-for-4 with his 21st homer. His July was brutal. 2nd homer last night and hitting about .185. And June wasn’t much better. You can continue editing now, because maybe that home run released something, but at first it didn’t, I’ll continue.
Peter Lambert – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.06. The Astros did well to bring in someone from Asia, who was not Asian. Call Dana Brown, little Marco Polo.
Reid Detmers – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.03. This could be Detmers’ last start with the Angels, and, if so, it will be Misiorowski. Unless the Rockies trade him. The Angels and Rockies could be an interesting trade relationship. “We’re going to give you Brian Dozier’s Kris Bryant.” “Dozier is not playing anymore.” “So is Kris Bryant.”
Mickey Moniak – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. This home run came in San Diego. Maybe that’s where Moniak ended up after the trade. The Rockies view Luis Rengifo as a middle-of-the-order bat. Smart team, those Rockies!
Willi Castro – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 11th homer. Willi is just another way of saying dong.
Michael King – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. His July was pretty solid – 1.96 ERA before this in 23 IP. Not “King is always king” but not May and June poor months.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 5-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .285. If he lands a 20/40/.300 season (long shot, but possible), I’ll have an apology to offer.
Jake Bauers – He broke his toe, but he says he can play with it. With Hoka or croka.
Logan Henderson – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.66. Do you know who you are? Drew Rasmussen of the NL. Call him Brew Rasmussen.
Landen Roupp – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.12. I know it was against the Brewers, but it’s at home and home is a great park, and it’s unbelievable how bad it can be at times. It’s hard to even tell if Streamonator has these fireworks out of place like he had a tostada salad bowl at Taco Bell.
Casey Schmitt – Ended the season with a torn meniscus. Schmitt, indeed. That gives Christian Koss some playing time. Chris Koss won’t make you jump.
Harrison Bader – He was disturbed during his rehab as he fell off his scooter. Oh butter fingers, Gennett!
Bryce Eldridge – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. His IK% reached 33% in July. He’s on a 27-homer, .220 hitting streak in 162 games (he won’t get one). That’s right. Don’t pretend it’s a miracle.
Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Aside from a few stinkers in June, he was ace. Clear as a diamond, Cole (after 24,000 years).
Chase Meidroth – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!
Luis Garcia Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .282.
LaGaJu’s bat is a little louder now (shout out)LaGaJu’s bat is a little louder now (shout out)
LaGaJu’s bat is a little louder now (shout out)
Dylan Crews – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer. Hey-hey-hey-hey (hey-hey-hey-hey) Hey-hey-hey-hey (hey-hey-hey-hey)– Okay, I’m sorry. Crews has two homers in five games and has been much better since coming back from the minors. HardHit% is good and K%.
Cade Cavalli – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.55. You know I love Cade, but you got the Blew Jays again last night, and maybe they’re a band for another age? I’m not sure.
George Springer – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. Someone please explain Springer’s 2025 season to me like I’m five years old.
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – He left the game early and strained a muscle. Oh poor Nepo Baby! Wow! Bad! Why did I write Yordan 2025 last year and this year?! Why? Why? Nancy Kerrigan, why?! So perfect that Kazuma Okamoto (1-for-2, 2 runs) struck out Vlad Jr. and hit his 24th homer. It’s just perfect. Zero notes.
Shane Bieber – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 1 hit, 6 walks, ERA at 5.74. The Jays are either one of the worst teams in baseball or they are insanely good at playing possum.
