I call him, Insane Bolte. BOM! The pun boom is hitting home again, and the walls are shaking. I braced myself on the BarcaLounger I was sitting on. After a few seconds, the pun rattle subsides, and there is a shout from the kitchen, Cougs yelling, “Aftershock!” I’m holding the arms of the BarcaLounger, pun boom is coming back. My lips are fluttering and my beautiful, thick hair is moving a little, but it’s always neatly put together. The pun boom is waning. So, the A’s are called Henry Bolte and I caught him everywhere, I’ll explain why. He was on Itch’s prospect stash list. (Itch is so good at this, man. He calls these hidden moments before they happen every week. I’ll be honest, we’re lucky. I’m about to hide everyone on his roster because he doesn’t miss.) Itch just says there, “With 12 home runs, 17 stolen bases and a slash line of .1, #18/5 is probably a Boo player. Triple-A league legend and has lowered his scoring rate.” 10 from 34 games for Triple-A last year. The A’s should be done with Butler to some extent. Bolte’s cut last year was 15/46 he had a 34.7 K% and that wouldn’t work. Now, let’s say he went 15/46 with a 28% K-rate? That would be Insane Bolte! [a window shatters and my wall-mounted TV falls] Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
AJ Ewing – Called up by the Mets. Butler becomes Bolter? Maybe, I don’t know what they are doing with Butler. I hope the A’s call the guy up at 40, they are willing to play him. I mention this again, because what are the Mets doing with Ewing? I get that they can push Soto to DH now, and that plays out for a while, until Polanco, Luis Robert or Lindor come back, but one of those three will come back, right? So what? I don’t know, but I’m just voicing my thoughts up here. Ok, I think more, I think if Ewing is good, Baty and Vientos can go back to platooning and who cares about Polanco, who was the wrong signing in the first place? Yes, maybe. Okay, that’s the biggest problem I have with Ewing. Everything else is an abyss. This year: 2/17/.339 in a Triple-A month. Last year (and here it gets ridiculous), 3/70/.315 in 485 ABs. So, he’s Chandler Simpson at his worst, but he can pop again, eventually. He is only 21 years old. I think Bolte beats Ewing right now, just because he has more pop, and a better field with Bolte, but it could go either way, and I’ve caught both in some leagues.
Mookie Betts – 1-for-5 as activated from IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I have jury duty. You know if I get free movies at the hotel if I get equestrian’d?”
Max Muncy – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Max is a Muncist!
Roki Sasaki – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.88. This will blow your mind but see how accurate I am in predicting the future. This October, Joe Davis will say, “Here’s Roki coming out of the bullpen in the 7th inning. Because the Dodgers didn’t need to win 120 games, but only 100, they decided to let Roki start 20 games this year, and then he was taken to the bullpen in September to prepare for the playoffs.”
Harrison Bader – 1-for-5 as activated from IL. When I was a kid, I used to get mail from Master Albright. I wonder what Harrison ever did. (Email, for those under 30, was the mail in the mailbox outside your house. For those under 20, email was the DM of the mail client. You know what, forget it.)
Rafael Devers – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, 3rd homer of the week, and nothing as hot as Devers in May, and nothing as cold as Devers in April, and nothing as lukewarm and sometimes hot as Devers in June and July, and then in August is…anyone have a Devers temperature?
Trevor McDonald – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.92. With Webb out for two weeks, McDonald should get another chance or two, and he had a 5.31 ERA in Triple-A in 142 1/3 IP last year. Sure, ERA isn’t everything but 5.31 in 142 2/3 IP might be something.
Ha-Seong Kim – Configured in IL. Like Kim, like a young Eminem, but I might also be blurring my general opinion that everything about the Braves this year is getting better, except for Riley and Acuña. Hmm, those are two excellent alternatives. Kim is part of a 15-team mixed league and is deep, but it wasn’t long ago that he excelled in shallower leagues.
Joey Cantillo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.98. I like Cantillo, he’s tough, but this was a case of an early lead and Cantillo sailed to the Victory Coast on a free night at W.
Alec Manoah – 5 IP, 0 ER, in his first extended career in the majors in years. He came late in the game, and with his first pitch, the Angels were already up 7-0. He must have felt at home! Okay, so Manowa looked strong, but I don’t know if the guards stopped trying because they won the bag or if it was his throw. As a team player, I actually lean towards the latter. But more monocle is needed.
Addison Barger – Hit the IL, had a cortisone shot and could miss a few weeks with elbow inflammation, because he thought he was Nolan Ryan in right field. A story as old as time.
Kevin Gausman – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.86. Ugh, you were my one regular starter. Don’t fail, Kevin. That is why you are left alone at home.
Andres Gimenez – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homers. “Wow! Bolte?!” That’s Gimenez after reviving Razzball dot com to see himself in the lead. Sorry, Andres, but you’re an automatic hot schmotato.
Jonathan Aranda – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .277. It really highlights that Vlad Jr. how bad he was when the Jays faced the Rays’ Aranda. I have to have the slowest starters of anyone – Vlad Jr., Soto, the Italian Royals.
Drew Rasmussen – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.16. Hey! It’s the first time Rasmussen’s ERA is over 3.00. I’m kidding, but it’s not.
Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-4 with his 7th homer, hitting .277. With five sophomores, JRod is on pace for a 40/40/.300 season if he hits well before June. Yes, this is good for him!
George Kirby – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.84. Suddenly, I saw Kirby Yates yesterday coming into the 3rd inning and throwing a lot of meatballs, he was hit hard and I thought, “George Kirby is not that bad, and this thought has nothing to do with Kirby Yates,” but Kirby is not that bad. Or, actually. George Kirby is extremely good, but he’s worse than at any point in his career, while he looks better, just by looking at his ERA.
Peter Lambert – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.76. One shining star for the Astros…it’s in their old unit! Boom, roasted! They have their asses! No, Lambert is fine. Throwing about and the beginning of the number five to six. Decent Ks, a little meh pacing, and, if nothing else, worth the Streamonator call.
Nathan Eovaldi – Scratching with side pain. Welp, that’s probably going to be a three-week absence, right? You know I love Eovaldi, but Skip Schumaker can’t tie his cleats because he needs to use kid gloves with Eovaldi.
Michael Soroka – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.53. I keep saying Soroka has the best on-base numbers in baseball, and I think people don’t believe me until I think you might be buying him from an owner, who you don’t trust.
Jose Caballero – He injured his middle finger, one of the most important fingers in New York, so Anthony Volpe may be back, but Caballero entered the game as a small runner, so he may be fine. It’s too early to tell.
Ryan Weathers – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners (3 BBs), 9 Ks, ERA at 3.00. I may be misremembering this, but I feel like Weathers had more wins than anyone else. He will be investigating Aaron Ashby’s streak to lead MLB in wins.
Ben Rice – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .312. Rice-A-Hroni!
Coby Mayo – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting…guess. Go ahead! How good is Mayo’s batting average? Get within twenty points! Hello! Bzzt, wow! He is hitting .165.
Samuel Basallo – Scratching with a painful knee. He was injured during translation of the Head, Shoulders, Knees and Horns.
Jackson Holiday – Moving his repairs to Norfolk. You know, because his dad played baseball for a living, Jackson didn’t have time to take family trips like the rest of us, so he’s getting that opportunity now. It’s so cool! Maybe Jackson can go South of the Border while he’s down there! A habit of passing!
