First, you have to see Late Anderson and the Millennium Watchmen watch resting on his shoulders:
That’s not a neck, that’s a flag. Every morning they sent his head up. The Lilliputians free Kade’s neck on his own like El Capitan. Late Anderson, have you got your Beaker Halloween costume on yet? So, it’s not just his hat that has reached great heights. You have it in the little ones. As a 21-year-old, you’ve done everything you can for kids. He could go into the Mariners rotation right now and maybe be their number three. And their rotation is not bad! They don’t even have Anderson’s spot right now, but he’s looking for a difference maker and cycling through schmohawks like Matthew Liberatore and Hurston Waldrep on waivers – but, Lib and Waldrep are classic Britbox detective shows. Those two ladies are like sass sass! – and Kade Anderson could be that difference if called upon. In all leagues. Even if it is said that he is still a tall man. Think of Misiorowski last year when he was called up. Only with better command. Thinking he was getting a car with a sunroof to drive in the park. Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week ago to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Jonah Heim – [karate chopping strangers] I hit you with Heim! [police arresting me for karate chopping strangers]
Dalton Rushing – Here is America’s Backup Catcher who was the first catcher in the best team in baseball, and is a good hitter himself. It’s as simple as ABC.
Josh Bell – The most interesting narrative in MLB every year that only I notice, and no one else, is how good Josh Bell is until he gets traded every time at the deadline and becomes one of the best hitters in baseball. It’s so interesting that that’s all I have on it. Moving on!
Javier Sanoja – In this week’s podcast, you can hear in real time BDon and I trying to pronounce Sanoja, and maybe we’re getting into a group of good pronunciations.
Tommy Edman – Thomas Edwardman has been hitting well, and it seems for as short a time as you can imagine, so I’m afraid when I get to the end of this sentence–Are you still hot?
Brian Rocchio – I thought he was just a hot bat, then I opened his player page and jaws dropped. Holy Crap, Rocchio is having a solid season. I mean, not all shallow leagues are ideal, but about 12/25/.275 speed is about right for a guy you can probably get a waiver on even in 15 mixed leagues.
Cole Young – One love, but I feel that prospective writers who give marks may throw darts on the board. It’s like, “Cole Young is a 60-yard hitter, 50 for power and speed,” and then you see him hitting about .240 in neutral with zero speed and meh power. He’s young, uh, young – only 22 – so maybe he’s getting older.
Tyler Tolbert – I had the best two game hitting streak this week since 1970 Roberto Clemente. That makes me shake my head in disbelief. Baseball is very funny.
Song of Sung-Mun – Just think, you can hold him and have a hot bat and tell your significant other how to arrange a Neil Diamond song.
Masyn Winn – Do you also look at Winn’s HardHit% laugh or is it normal? [scrolls to it for a nice chuckle] Well, he hits the ball too hard to laugh.
Kyle Karros – He’s having a respectable type of year in NL-Only leagues, especially with OBP, but he’s also incredibly difficult to reverse in mixed league road games. His dad still has good hair, and that’s important. [intern whispers in ear] Does it count? But my hair counts for something, right? …Okay?
Nick Gonzales – Good! Another example, as mentioned in Young’s blurb. Gonzales is a better contact hitter, and that’s where he’s ranked as a 30-something but with 60-grade velocity? That makes no sense. Okay, I won’t talk about this again.
Heriberto Hernandez – If you dream -[Mr. Prorater skydives through my ceiling, legs crashing through, but getting stuck] Hello, Mr. Prorater! “Sorry, I misjudged the angle. I measured it at 45 degrees. Anyway! Heriberto is hitting 30/15 in a full at-bat season. Wow! Now, can you call the fire department? I’m going to need a crane.”
Jake Mangum – Similar to Rocchio, I did a spit take with Jake and lost my gum when I realized he was going about 40, while hitting about .300. Do you know what that is? The year when we get to October and we look back, we think, why didn’t I write Mangum?
Esmerlyn Valdez – Has great potential, so don’t take this too seriously, but his numbers aren’t a poor man’s Jake Burger. Call him, White Castle.
Ryan Waldschmidt – Remembered by DBacks. It’s nice to see the lack of excitement in the guy after he sends it down once compared to the first call. Waldschmidt was the first to be called. Now, you will be yesterday’s news. You are all flexible! “I’m picking him up?” asked my student and I said, stop asking! No, I didn’t rush to the phone, because all he gave after his first call was a steal, and I don’t need that, but I can see the flyer again.
Luis Lara – I’m talking about the tepid call-ups I’ve had so much fun with for the past few weeks. My problem with Lara now is, he feels like he was called up by the Brewers because they needed a warm body. However, he gave you the dream of Luis Lara, if you want to read the hope of the last few weeks.
Nathan Church – Oh…no….I can’t stop you….my altar rap, B. Fire.
I call him Nat Chuuch,
I fear my Diff’rent Strokes like I’m a Gooch,
Keep one in my holster, that’s what I see,
My gun is a broken Pez,
Looking for rhymes, can’t find anything on Google,
To the tune of the bugle’s ass,
Grab Chuuch for power and speed,
Drunk in the corner with my Mead!
Garrett Mitchell – I got into trouble with the Cougs the other day when I taped Garrett Mitchell’s baseball card to his Paul Mitchell shampoo bottle. He told him, “The real ones know,” and he said, “What does that mean?” I said, “Sure,” and now he won’t talk to me. Mitchell is an uptick in communication away from stardom. He can’t seem to do it, though.
Michael Conforto – It seems like you are trading contact for power. Conforto, you sell! (Compatible)
Cedric Mullins – Here’s a look at Mullins’ stats, from left to right: Scanning runs…Good…scanning homers…Ooh, okay, that’s solid…seeing RBIs…Not bad…seeing steals…Like that…seeing the average…Wait, how did you do all those stats with that average?
Gage Jump – This is a Streamonator call. Like the call he made to Dairy Queen.
Landen Roupp – This is also a Streamonator call. “I want to apologize again for the other day I took someone upside down with their ice cream. I thought that was all it took.”
Tyler Wells – You don’t make sense at all that he will be good as a closer, because Wells in previous seasons was a weak sister, no rizz, a good starter but a SAGNOF.
Kirby Yates – Speaking of not making sense, Yates is 39 years old and having a great season. Not for savings, really, but for everything else.
Mason Montgomery – Are you around Pirates? No, I mean, yes, I mean, maybe? I don’t know, nobody knows. I hope Aroldis is traded back to the Pirates (not Kenley). What about Esmerlyn with Aroldis? I can dig. Anyway! This could also be Dennis Santana, Gregory Soto or whoever is in that pen.
Michael Petersen – This is not the star of the documentary, Staircase, but Marlins reliever Fairbanks. This is an average pick-up that has been repeated many times. First, Petersen was modest. Doubly so, Fairbanks is likely to be sold. (I know the Marlins were winning, but it’s the Marlins. We’ll see.) Triples, no triples.
Sell it
Randy Arozarena – I’ll be dropping my top 100 in part 2 next Tuesday (out on Patreon now), and there were a few guys that were hard to rate, and Rice Bowl was one of the most confusing. I don’t have a Bowl in any league – unfortunately, he was great! – but I didn’t realize how strange his good season was for him. You are coming off a career year, but now you have another career year but in almost 100% ways. He went from 20/20 in 2024 to 27/31 last year to a possible 20/40 this year. This makes sense for someone his age (31). His fly balls are very low (literally); his ground balls skyrocketed (not literally) and suddenly he’s a .350 BABIP guy? Also, zero feeling. He is about to start calling him Randy Zerosensena. Maybe he could go ahead with it, but you’d be betting on the most likely outcome. I love the possible outcomes. The unknown scares me. I have to tell my therapist that The Rice Bowl helped me get through it. I wouldn’t trade Randy Arozarena for a kick in the sticks for a World Cup baseball player, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore the options.
