I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think we’ve come to terms with how good it is Little Caminero is something. He’s 22 years old and coming off a 45-homer season and has 19 homers already this year, after going 3-for-5, 6 RBIs with his 17th, 18th and 19th home runs yesterday. I tried to give him a nickname – FAO Schwarz, and people didn’t take it well. Of course, it’s a bad nickname that I even need to check out and its meaning is inexplicable, but I haven’t heard a single attempt to correct this bad nickname. No one ever said, “Grey, nice face, but Junior Caminero is too good to use this bad nickname. How about FAO ScHRwarz, at least.” Nothing! Maybe we need to go to the city for inspiration. A nickname to do with Tampa. Wait, that’s right, Tampa has no personality. Home of Hooters at 24? 48 tit-al Hooters, personality-less? What about the nickname from the Rays name, the Rayinator? Ray Dono-Man? What are these, rubbish? These should never have left my head if you would have respected me and given me a better nickname! Most of the nicknames you get out there for him – and most players if they’re honest – sound like they were made for a 10-year-old. His nickname, according to Google, is Killer Cam? What kind of nonsense is that? That’s the nickname of the girl from The Challenge. Don’t even get me started on the Spanish language nickname, La Máxima? It took me 13 years to learn Spanish and I don’t even know what that means. Do you drive a Maxima? Guys who start as young as him and get this much success have a solid shot at a Hall of Fame career, and his nickname is FAO Schwarz? Oh God vroom vroom go to hell! Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Victor Mesa Jr. – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .180. Fun fact! When Mesa checks out at Ikea, the cashier asks her if anyone helped her put it together.
Ian Seymour – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 1 walk, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.32. The Rays weren’t hit until Craig Kimbrel (2 ER, 5.85 ERA) arrived. Come on. Seymour was used like Yarbro, and his base numbers are 9.4 K/9, 3.6 BB/9, 4.41 xFIP and he’s technically in the rotation, even after the Opener. Streamonator made sure to get Royals again next time, this time in Kay Cee. One thing I have noticed is that it may be Confirmation Bias or another word for Psych 101, teams seem to get one team, then face them again the next week in another park. Anyone else see this?
Seth Lugo – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.18. I’m from Lugo and Wacha all over the place, and I love these guys. Something I’ve said a few times.
Tatsuya Imai – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 1 walk, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.36. You look at Imai, like I do, and you can’t understand how he can be anything but a very strong #2. Just amazing stuff. You can’t always get it, which is where the problem comes in, but if he gets it like he did last night and last time? I don’t see why he has to stop anywhere. He has an 11.1 K/9. I mean, that’s not a thing, double negatives should be discarded. Even with a 4.8 BB/9.
Troy Melton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.39. He looks much better than Imai. He’s just beautiful. It’s the only feature that came to Detroit for Trammell, so you can’t argue with respect.
Dillon Dingler – 1-for-3 with his 19th homer. Cal Raleigh last year; Dingler this year; who will be next year? Francisco Alvarez? Could the Mets have that luck?
Caleb Durbin – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, as he deals with a dislocation of his pinky. Where’s Pinkie where’s Pinkie, I don’t know, I don’t know, maybe I’m looking at the other hand, she’s moved, she’s moved… He’ll be in today’s Buy column, because he’s one of the hottest hitters in all of baseball right now. MIA pinkie or not.
Connelly Early – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.59. His peripherals have gone off track over time, but it’s still a lot better than I think most people would have expected. He looked like an ace in acting for kids. He was not that. It could be growing pains, Boner.
Cam Schlittler – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.62. Oh, you know you’re good when he allows four runs and it doesn’t work. Dancing in the raindrops that recede…I believe that’s a Cat Stevens song.
Jose Caballero – 2-for-4 with a slam (8) and walks (18), hitting .259. I want to know how Amed Rosario gets three holes in the lineup, and Jazz, Caballero and Wells get 7, 8, 9. That’s arrows on the board, right? There is no way that there is a real reason.
Corey Seager – 0-for-3, 1 run as activated from IL with concussion. Seager said, “It’s good to be back … in 1955.”
Joc Pederson – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. I was saying hot schmotato, and I’ll say it again.
Wyatt Langford – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, 2nd homer in as many games. As I said yesterday, I will continue to sell and this increases the amount I can get.
Jake Burger – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in five games. Burger in Canada or as they call it, El Ranger with cheese.
MacKenzie Gore – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.05. You throw almost completely neutral, that is, what you see is what you get, that is, MacNoTricksie.
Ernie Clement – 2-for-4, 1 run, hitting .294. He received the most AL All-Star votes, 3.2 million votes. It’s almost tied for 2nd to Ohtani as the best. What is Canada’s turnover rate in All-Star votes?
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 0-for-4, hitting .273. I would prefer that he just say that his back is killing him and continue with IL. Stop insulting my genius, I have my own mind for that!
Kazuma Okamoto – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .241. Hey, what happened to Murakami? Will you come back sometime? I am asking for homers of import.
Kevin Gausman – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.36. What’s crazy is that I have guys like Imai and Melton walking up and waving permits and saying Welcome Back to my ratios, and then I have Gausman who’s like, “Here’s a full diaper for your fantasy team.” It’s just crazy how I can’t get consistent pitches from so called consistent pitchers.
Ben Brown – He is diagnosed with a stress reaction in his neck and will be amputated next month. If it is yellow, let it be mellow. If you don’t have an IL slot and Brown, you can drop him now.
Matthew Boyd – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5.02 ERA, as pitched. I have grapes in my pants to start him in IL and they can’t let him throw another hitter to win? It’s a shame!
Marcus Semien – Hit IL with hip flexor strain. Semien was shooting from the hip and it was like, “Ew, get out of here!”
Jared Young – 1-for-1 with his 6th homer, second homer in two days. It won’t be in today’s Buy column, but it’s clearly a hot schmotato.
Freddy Peralta – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.53. Also, he allowed three unearned runs if this starts to give him confidence.
Landen Roupp – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.07. Streamonator’s most straightforward call at this point. Loved yesterday, hated the next, I agree.
Willy Adams – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer. Semien down, Willy up. Hmm…
Victor Bericoto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. You’ve been on the left versus the left on balance. He has strength and not much else. He won’t be in the Buy column this afternoon, but the bat looks hot.
Caleb Kilian – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.97. With how bad the A’s and Giants’ pens are, it’s a wonder this game ever ended.
Zack Gelof – Hit IL with a hand cut. One of the worst assignments. Macerations? It’s delicious! Adultery? Praise my stupid ass! Collaboration? Who are you, DJ Khaled? I love to collaborate! Ulcers? Nothing good.
Jeffrey Springs – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.52. A’s bull is a mess, hard to watch. Springs went with two guys, so they came with their relief, Krook. It’s not that Krook’s is perfect.
Bryce Harper – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .269. It should count as a half homer because it was off the skin of the Nats. If you sign up for a Nats reliever, give me your password and I’ll send it to you.
Brandon Marsh – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (12) and walks (8), hitting .324, three homers in four games. Another day, another comment about the season Marsh is having.
Christopher Sanchez – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.13. He won’t reveal how strong he was in June and April, except for his crazy May. But remember that I expressed it by not showing it.
Cade Cavalli – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.o0. Nats pitchers have an ERA of nearly 5.00. Just being upset I lost another win. Having the worst wins luck. I know it too. Stop me! (And m!)
Curtis Mead – 1-for-5 with his 14th homer, hitting .223, 2nd homer in two games, 3rd homer in four games. Vlad Jr. he has four homers all year.
Bryce Miller – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, 1.97 ERA. 11 Ks to zero walks is a huge accomplishment. Earned runs do not apply in that case.
Spencer Horwitz – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. The first accountant with a sports injury.
Bubba Chandler – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.42. Just think, think what the Brewers could do with Bubba. He will be at Bubbalicious. Bubba The Best. Bubba Bubbarowski.
Brandon Lowe – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. I would say you could have Lowe in any league, but you could have anyone in the top 10 on Player Rater in any league, and likewise in the top 20, except for Witt Jr. and Ohtani, from there. An incredibly strange year. You could easily put Misiorowski, Yordan and Ben Rice in any league and have a top three overall. Or Mis, Captain Woo Cubano, and James Wood or Schlittler or Jordan Walker or a series of other guys. In one league, I have Misiorowski, Wood, CJ Abrams and PCA, and it’s an NL-Only (goalie) league, and I’m only in second place! I have four boys out of ten! Any hoo.
Henry Davis – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (6) and walks (2), hitting .148. It could be the most random slam & legs of the year since Davis rarely even hits twice in the same game. I know one happy person today. “Hey, Hendry way to go!” That’s Joe Pesci looking at his dream team.
