I don’t listen to Bill Simmons’ podcast and I haven’t read anything about him in 20 years, but Reggie’s Cleveland All-Stars was a top-notch, Everest conference offering. For those unfamiliar, the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars are white guys with a Black name. Blaze Alexander he is a Reggie Cleveland All-Star. Blazer Alexander? That’s a white man. Blaise Alexander is literally a white boy. Alexander Blaze? White! Blaze Alexander? Come on, man! There are many problems with xBA calculations; I have been talking about them for a while. With that (Grey is about to ignore everything he says), Blaze Alexander has one of the highest xBAs I’ve ever seen. If the xBA is around .280, whatever. Maybe he really is a .250-.260 hitter. If a guy has a very high xBA, it’s very impressive. You can’t accidentally have Blaze’s xBA of .304. Juan Soto’s is .303! All the top guys in the league in average are in the top 10. Actually, I trust the top 20. Here’s the weird thing: Blaze Alexander’s SLG is just one point away from Bobby Witt Jr.’s. His xOBA is almost Hunter Goodman and he’s on pace for 25 steals. So, multiplying by the numbers makes a better sense: The Blaze is on pace for the season at 15/25/.290. Yes, that’s pretty good by any word. Well, not Blasé Alexander. Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week ago to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Victor Caratini – You ever walk into a bar and order a Caratini and the bartender doesn’t know how to make it and says, “Average ‘Ryan Jeffers not back.’” And they said, “You sound like enough, kid.”
Carson Kelly – I’m giving you and the five female readers the benefit of the doubt and excluding players who are listed in most leagues, but I’m including Kelly here even though the 7-day Player Compiler says he’s listed in 86% of leagues. I’m still giving him because I can’t believe he’s ranked in 86% of the leagues. Is that true? Am I crazy to think he isn’t registered in more than 20% of the league? Okay, because I’m still stuck on Carson Kelly’s ownership numbers, I did a hard drive test in my mind and I remember now why Kelly was listed in so many leagues. Rudy draws a percentage of ownership in the NFBC, which is a doubleheader format. That means I have to pull the handlers from a different source to get the list percentages. Like Carter Jensen he may be available in one catcher leagues. You wake up in the morning and think, “I’d like to read 500 words about fishing license numbers.” You are in luck!
Sean Keys – He was called by the Jays. Looks like a late breakout guy who had 21 HRs in the minors this year. Yes, that’s a lot, since we’re almost done with the season. He looks remarkably similar to the guy he’s filling in for, Addison Barger. Call him Add-another Barger. He’s worth a flier in the mixed leagues to see if he can record some time, and keep hitting homers.
Josh Bell – As we head into July and the annual trade deadline, Bell is stepping up his game to be traded. Josh Bell, the biggest fan in the world of temporary housing. “I like a microwave that can be used sparingly.” That’s Josh Bell.
Nolan Schanuel – Hit a couple of homers last week, and that’s his best week ever. Here’s to one of the best weeks ever!
Jared Triolo – At first I thought about anyone really taking Triolo and I have Triolol.
Donovan Walton – This guy reminded me, what happened to Brendan Donovan? Is BDon in another country–Wait a minute! Is there only one BDon and not two preconceptions? Any hoo! Walton is a never-before-seen, 32-year-old and how do the Angels get these guys? Right now he is hitting.
Andres Gimenez – I’m interested in the eighth day trapdoor in the 7-day Player Rater. It’s this unfilled, invisible hole that players fall into when they have one big game, and it goes back eight days. Arguably, Colt Keith was the top of the 2nd basemen the last seven days, and then his three-homer streak went into the 8th and went down. I bring this up because And-Gim had a three-steal game, and if that goes over the last eight days, he’s probably going to go down. If only the Beatles had a Player Rater for the week.
Nick Loftin – To you, this is Nick IB Loftin.
Denzer Guzman – Unlike most Angels players, Denzer can be decent (12/9/.336 in Triple-A as a 22-year-old). Denzer also sounds like what my dad calls a movie star with the same sound.
Cooper Pratt Here’s what I said when he called, “Well, I said they’re going to call someone who hopes they’ll give her a multi-year deal, only I said Lara, not Pratt. Lara? Pratt? Where’s Heidi and LC? She’s writing Pratt on my FAAB bids like I’m voting for LA Mayor. Finally, someone in LA wants to be exposed soon, Lara; Lara’s only going to break up with Prayti! they still have Garrett Mitchell sucking the numbers of MiLB: 6/17/.244 with 14.3 K% and 13.2 BB% on speed, and the occasional homer, as he couldn’t even hit for a good average in Triple-A.” And I’m the one you’re quoting!
Masyn Winn – Not long ago, I wrote a Winn sleeper post. It was two years ago, and I really should stop talking about it. It does not cover me with glory. “Like Denzer?” That’s my father.
Ryan Kreidler – Kriedler, Kriedler, Kriedler, made to play (when you lose your MI and struggle to find a hot bat).
Anthony Volpe – He has been incredibly polite since his return. Approaching the top level and hitting well (for him). That reduced his power, but it could be used more. (I sleep ‘lightly’ because it’s early.)
Caleb Durbin – “Who needs Vlad Jr.? I have Caleb Durbin,” I say in a voice that will indicate to many that I need emotional reassurance.
Trevor Larnach – Surprisingly, the twins have had a wpper of a good schedule lately. A fire may be lit under it. Larnach knows it’s hit or miss selling real estate in St. Augustine by Kirilloff.
Esteury Ruiz – He is on pace for the season 15/40. I will not beat my head against the wall and imagine Tatis’s face on that wall.
Lawrence Butler – I didn’t know you were from Jersey. Now I have romantic feelings for Butler. I don’t have Fonder Feelings ranked in any of my leagues, so this is still about how well he hits in June.
Owen Caissie – It’s too bad he can’t get contact, because he could be a 35-plus homer hitter with more contact. Now, he’s almost a 20-homer, .190 hitter.
Samad Taylor – I couldn’t feel that no one wanted Samad after my Samad Taylor legend, and that’s right, a lot of haters. I can face the haters! I drink Haterade!
Isaac Collins – Between Caratini and Isaac Collins, we’re getting drunk this week! “Two splashes of gin, and one person ‘too drunk to remember what the name of the salesman from The Love Boat was.'”
Hello Bradley – This is a Streamonator call like the one you make at the Apple Store.
Michael Wacha – This is also a Streamonator call. “I was talking to someone in your laptop section who was very helpful. His name? MacBook Pro. I believe they were blue.”
Jacob Webb – People like Webb can’t get close because he’s disgusting. Yes, yes, I guess, but someone will get the save and I don’t think Palencia will be back for a while because: A guy who brings crazy violence, who relies on power pitches, can’t be healthy.
Kevin Ginkel – I’m not sure if Sewald is out, but the tide is rising. See what I did there? I’m not sure either, to be honest.
Grant Taylor – Let’s face it here, Seranthony hasn’t been this good since Hannibal. The pitcher and the actor.
Pierce Johnson – Tony Santillan hit IL with an oblique, and Emilio Pagan will be back soon (must be picked up first if available). That leaves us at Claire’s in the mall asking about Pierce Johnson and how security is holding us back. This could also be Tejay Antone and Brock Burke. I would look at it that way. It could be Tejay, Pierce and then Brock, though, that is, I’d bet righty versus lefty.
Yennier Cano – It’s not a good week for SAGNOF this week, but it could be the calm before the storm, with many teams getting closer to different teams and turning to Will Vest. I mean, if they could trade Kenley for anything, don’t you think the Tigers would? Come on. Any hoo! Cano was solid, and Helsley looked iffy, but this is more of an average pick. So, even if Helsley is healthy, Cano deserves an addition.
Sell it
Trea Turner – Time comes to all of us. Besides me, I have an aging picture in my basement. It’s Dorian Grey, that’s his name. It was painted by my dog, Ted. Holding a paintbrush in his mouth. Why don’t you believe me so much? Anyway, I don’t like the eye rolls you do, but I’ll stay because I’m a pro! The Treat Urner is full of dust. He is old as he is three days old. He is 100% good and about 130 on Player Rater. It’s not bad luck. You have lost a large amount of everything. He has become almost half the player he once was. He is a 15/30/.240 hitter. It’s not like what you thought he wrote. If there’s someone who makes sure Phils fans just need to admire him, I’ll be sold. I wouldn’t trade Trea Turner for a Duolingo course on Zoomer slang, but I wouldn’t go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore the options.
