The best Fantasy Baseball Overlord stories of O. Henry, huh? It’s like, “Here you go, you world,” said the Fantasy Baseball Overlord, “I’ll give it to you.” Edwin Arroyo.” We fall towards the Almighty. Then the FBO adds, “And I’ll take Elly De La Cruz. Goodbye, brothers!” NOOOOO!!! Not like this! But it’s too late, FBO has already moved on and is taking hits and won’t hear anything you say next week. I love how crazy this game is. It is honestly the most annoying hobby in the world. You get Arroyo and you lose Elly. You can only laugh. So, Elly can be out for about a month, and I gave you Edwin Arroyo’s dream about ten days ago, telling you to buy him. Not much has changed since then, his stats: 11/9/.323 in 217 ABs with 7.2 BB% and 16.8 K%. He started yesterday (1-for-4, 1 run) as he hit the 8th. The only caveat I guess is that I expected the Reds to stop hanging around with Ke’Bryan Hayes, but the putz is still there and Arroyo came up with Elly, which means I won’t bet it on the Reds to send him down once Elly is back. Unless FBO can fix Ke’Bryan’s injury in the meantime. “We’ll see!” He laughed, turned into a sputum with smoke coming out of his mouth. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jac Caglianone – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. His April was 2 HRs/.256. His May was 3 HRs/.222. His June will be [world’s worst prorater] 30 HRs/.500!
Lane Thomas – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his second homer. I was hoping the Royals would go to Cincy to fire up Pasketti, but it looks like everyone is fired up. It’s delicious!
Michael Massey – 3-for-5 with his 5th homer, and second homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Luinder Avila – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 4.44. Streamonator said of Luinder, “Start him? Are you the craziest person in the world?”
JJ Bleday – 1-for-4 with his 10th homer, hitting .301. He feels like he’s hit a lot of homers, because his first day in the majors was 4/26. It’s been a great 35 Bledays.
Dillon Dingler – 4-for-5, 4 runs, 4 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homers, hitting .241. All the Dingler Danglers and I, dressed as emojis, celebrated the big day by calling each other from the Squatty Potties we have in our living rooms for outdoor games.
Kerry Carpenter – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer in his 2nd game back in the IL, and I was able to catch him in one league, so maybe you can too. I have faith in you!
Riley Greene – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .309. Also, in this game, Hao-Yu Lee (2-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 2nd homer. This is interesting because when Greene’s family calls Riley over for dinner, she yells, “Hao-Yu Riley!”
Kyle Finnegan – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1.93 ERA, as he enters the 6th inning in a 10-5 game. Think about what we can take from the use of many exemptions this year if the de facto is approaching, there is no real “This person should get money now.” It’s more than a grab bag. Any hoo! Will Vest (1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7.23 ERA) got the save, and I don’t think that means anything.
Chandler Simpson – Left the game after being hit in the mouth by his helmet during a slide. A friend of mine sent me this:
Ryan Vilade – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer as he enters the game for Simpson. Vilade was on Friday’s Sale, but you knew that.
Little Caminero – 1-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .279. The ball was really flying in Tampa. Or, you know, the 5th starters were iffy.
Griffin Jax – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.76. Much like Griffin “Quits” Jax. He got his ass!
Joe Ryan – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.20. Yes, but his xFIP in this game was only 2.20. [dodges tomato] What?
Tristan Grey – 1-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 4th homer, a grand slam. It was a good day to make batting calls if you were called on offense.
David Sandlin – 4 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 8.10. Like a weirdo still making his own pictures saying, “You’ve been exposed!”
Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. He almost took her for a batty call. A’la Madonna singing Evita, “Don’t cry for me I got Kerry Carpenter. The truth was…I preferred her.”
Miguel Vargas – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homers. Austin Riley licking an aluminum can full of whipped cream, seeing Vargas’ figures, “That’s my pie!”
Jacob deGrom – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.48. The future HOFer just got his 100th win. That is very funny. When I was a kid, you didn’t negotiate until 300 wins unless you had a disaster or an injury. Tommy John must be like, “Can I have a rare peer review, please?”
Michael McGreevy – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.98. And, clearly, a future HOFer. Streamonator is good on his next start, but I see no reason not to start him, unless you need to strike.
Jake Bauers – 0-for-3, 1 run, as the Giants scored 16 runs. Ticket tease!
Landen Roupp – 4 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.22. Hell hath no fury like Regression Fairies neglected for two months.
Matt Chapman – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and a homer. Guess how many homes you have. Come on! Guess! More about Tatis. I’ll give you that. One more thing. Zoinks!
Jake McCarthy – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4 home, and 2nd homer in three games, and hit off lead since Moniak is out and I started McCarthy this was an away game. Yes me!
Jose Soriano – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, 7 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.72. The monstrous walking level has reared its ugly head as an Energy Vampire absorbing life at its fantasy value.
Jose Siri – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd this week. Siri’s time to split was Wade Meckler. Yes, you just read a real sentence and you didn’t just have a stroke. The Siri/Meckler team, the kids call it Smeckler.
Emerson Hancock – 6 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.80. I can’t say how much fun Hancock gives me, but the Cancelation Police are circling my house in a helicopter.
Josh Naylor – 1-for-3 with his 6th homer, but left the game early. The beat reporter provided my favorite kind of update. “Naylor has been ejected from the game.” Yes, everyone can see that. Why?
Colt Emerson – 1-for-3 with his 3rd homer, second homer in three games. Here I was recently, “I want to get rid of Colt Emerson because he hit the 9th,” and then three hours later, “I can’t have him have another good game.”
Jared Young – 1-for-3 with his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in three games, and a clean hit, but was taken out late in the game when the lefty came on. Listen, I don’t have a lot of faith in Jared Young, but, if you pinch him after he’s dry and he’s obviously hot, and he’s doing that pressure-hit with just Vientos.
Marcus Semien – 1-for-3 with his 6th homer, and second homer in two games. A hot Semien that won’t let you reach for a towel.
Sean Manaea – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.08, as active as Yarbro. The Mets say: What if we took the whole team out of Yarbros?
Emmett Sheehan – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.50. His numbers are very similar guess who? The last starter I wrote: Hancock. The ERA doesn’t look like much for Sheehan. He has fixed many of his early problems, while being slow.
Eduardo Rodriguez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.24. I don’t have many starters in my RCL league (mixed with 12 teams), but I caught EdRod in his start against the Dodgers, and I’m in a position where I don’t drop EdRod until he has a bad start, or maybe a series of mehs.
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-3 with his 8th homer. You should check out this Bazooka Joe comic I have where Joe calls Barbara Stanwyck a “Protestant hussy.” Here, lying carelessly in this open window–NOOOOO!!! The Torenado!
Tommy Troy – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his first homer. 867-530-good.
Pavin Smith – 0-for-2 since being activated in the IL, after having a loose elbow removed after the season-opening series. I was on SportsGrid’s show with Marlins hitter Craig Mish this weekend to discuss the return of Tarik Skubal, and I noticed something. In the early 2000s, MLB created the oblique to give players a name for injuries they didn’t know what to call before, but after twenty years of people questioning the oblique, and its existence, they need to come up with a new injury this year. Enter: Loose Bodies. Anyone with half a brain knows there’s no such thing as loose bodies, except at a LA party! Any hoo! Pavin returns to righty tackle as DH.
Sandy Alcantara – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.59. Oh, I see, you do the Saberhagenmetrics thing, but every other month.
Kyle Stowers – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Obviously, he hasn’t been hot at any point this season so far, after missing the first few weeks. However, his HardHit% is still above 10% and his Velo Exit is where it was last year, so I would buy.
Liam Hicks – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th homer, hitting .268. He hit .224 in May with four homers and zero hits. He’s not exactly your little brother’s John Hicks, but he’s probably not April Hicks either. By the by, I was April Hicks in high school and they didn’t call her April Hickey for nothing! Hello now!
Jacob Young – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. You are crazy. He is as mysterious as he is every week. You know what I’m going to say. Every week you start as a hot schmotato, and it ends on Thursday. (Okay, he only has three homers on Monday, but it sounds like I’m making sense so I’ll let it go.)
Cade Cavalli – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.62. I just noticed that he and his teammate, Foster Griffin, are both exactly in line with their ERAs and they are the only ones. Blake Butera, their director, is firmly in the mold of Scorsese. Butera learned in the footsteps of Elia Kazan. “Way to go, Cade, I want the real thing! Stick to your FIP!” That’s Butera.
Jace Bowen – Called up by the Padres. Bowen has an old school Bowden Fluffer profile. Tools, tools, and more tools! Head down to the gear shop and find your speed, agility, power and agility! Come say hello to our Employee of the Month, Elijah Dukes! (Getting a restraining order on me to resist the urge to google where Elijah Dukes is now that he has multiple restraining orders against him.) So, Bowen went 13/7/.292 with 195 ABs in Triple-A, but it looks like he might struggle to hit .210 in the majors.
