The Reds are paying Ke’Bryan Hayes through 2029. Now I’m going to sneeze for the next ten minutes, and after that, I’m going to take a long wait. Doing a quick google, “Has any team ever said to a player, ‘Nah, homey, you heard that right, we’re going to make a pitching coach?’ Google responds, “The use of the colloquial ‘homey’ was popularized in the 1990s by the MadTV sketch, Homey Don’t Play That.” Damn, Google AI is so useful. So, it’s good that Hayes broke his glove by smearing the ointment on it that was fermented by a magician, who created a potion for Sprite, rattail and hair from the head of Tom Emanski, but. Edwin Arroyo it should not be for children. I know, what about Noelvi Marte? I think you passed. At 22, Arroyo is tearing up Triple-A with excellent contact (sub-15 K%) and power (9 HRs) and speed (8 SBs) in just five weeks of baseball (174 ABs). He was a shortstop, but was recently moved to third base to get reps. It wasn’t long before he was called to replace Ke’Bryan Hayes, who has a bright future as a pitching coach. Too bad that wizard couldn’t make him a big hitter, but they couldn’t find a chicken bone of different medicine in Wade Boggs. Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week ago to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Keibert Ruiz – He has a 48/11/.248 career line. Looks like a bad season for Aaron Judge. Only Ruiz did in the 1945 plate appearances.
Gavin Sheets – “Hello Sharks! Today, I’m bringing you Holy Sheets, a revolutionary new company that cuts eye holes in sheets every Halloween if you want to dress up as a ghost or if you just want to scare someone out of the house to squat.”
Josh Bell – Holy Spreadsheets and that’s what I said when I saw how many first basemen did well in the 7-day Player Rater last week.
Paul Goldschmidt – There are R% numbers on all of our tools, that’s how the guy is programmed, and I saw Au Shizz written at 2% and I found myself sad. I did something raw to my emotions. He got old and is no longer listed. Yes, aging happens to all of us, except for me because of the picture I have in my basement. Thank you, Dorian Grey!
Kyle Manzardo – ‘Member of Ed Lover and Dr. Dre (no, the other one) starring in the movie Who’s the Man? and famous rappers and comedians? No, you don’t because you haven’t thought about such nonsense in the last 30 years. Snooty but fair! Well, who is Manz? A guy with a lot of energy left in the tank.
Brian Rocchio – Now ranked second for less than 75% of registered and most important players on Player Rater. You can’t catch the Triumphant Eagle, Ashby.
Ezequiel Duran – An incredibly boring true story (you have been warned), for the past few years I have always written Ezequiel Duran in the draft and catch league because he has a lot of merit, which comes in handy when you are plagued by injuries, but this year I didn’t because he was so bad last year. I told you, it’s very interesting!
Taylor’s Walls – Want schmotatoes? Then you can’t fight hot bats, no matter how dangerous they are in the big picture.
JP Crawford – Kinda wonder what happened to Jaxxon Pridge Crawford when Brendon Donovan came back, but skip that Pridge when we get to it.
Colt Emerson – I just gave you my Colt Emerson dream. It was written when it was number one.
Miguel Andujar – Thinking, the Yankees could trade Miguel Andujar for Shohei, according to @SteinbrennerGotUsWhenNoOneUsDoes on X.
Nolan Arenado – First, Goldschmidt, and now Arenado. Who’s next, Chris Bryant? Anthony Rendon? Redfin seller of the month, Alex Kirilloff?!
AJ Ewing – I give you Ewing and here’s Henry Bolte too, but both are over 90% registered, so technically they don’t deserve this post, but I make the rules and break them a lot!
Nick Morabito Here’s what I said earlier this week, “He was called up by the Mets to replace Austin Slater. Morabito has great speed and seems like he can’t get out of a paper bag, so I think he’s NL-Only for the chance he gets opps to steal. Looks like a defense replacement and pinch-runner, and maybe an occasional start vs. Lefties getting some love again. They signed all those scrubs for doctors, scrubs that don’t get love, they start right away.” And I’m the one quoting TLC vaguely!
Cedric Mullins – He’s been hot (more on this post), but I also like to look at the season stats for each player, so I open Mullins’ player page and ha, woof, that’s bad. He has become a neutral .180 hitter.
Harrison Bader – He’s not hitting much better than Mullins, but Bader is close to a neutral .240 hitter.
Tristan Peters – You have a really big brother. His name is Triscuit.
Ryan Vilade – It’s funny to look at player stats and how many different ways a guy can be valuable. Cedric Mullins? Zero power/speed/rate. Vilade? Zero force, zero speed, average.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – From what I was saying to Vilade, Lou-Gu-Ju is a little bit of everything, and should be ranked against the “hot bat.”
Jake Bauers – Even more than Lou-Gu-Ju in terms of what should be listed. Bauers is a good play without being a top 10 1st baseman!
Mike Yastrzemski – You know how you have to have a baseball brain to spell Yastrzemski right without using any external resources? I still spell brain occasionally like brian, but Yastrzemski? No problem! I have real baseball seams on my Brian!
Zac Gallen – This is a Streamonator call, like the call you make at Boston Robotics.
JT Ginn – This is also a Streamonator call. “I was wondering if you had one of the robots.”
Fernando Cruz – I wrote his name by mistake Cernando Fruz and I snored. It’s the little joys. Like not having Shit-the-Bednar to avoid his Shit-the-Bednar’ings. You know what I don’t understand, why did everyone think Bednar would go from Pittsburgh, where he was a mess, to the Yankees and be great? Camilo Doval might as well, I think, if Bednar gets a “break,” but if you’ve forgotten what Bednar was like for the Pirates, let me remind you how equally bad Doval was for the Giants.
Grant Taylor – This week we have a very special SAGNOF part of the program where I present to you the average shortstops who should be the closers, and maybe they are! Speaking of: Bryan Hudson.
Trevor McGill – JKJ opened my eyes in his Bullpen report on how good Megill has been since being traded, and Uribe, well, I knew he wasn’t good. Change starts with you and me so let’s change the Brewers’ side! [intern whispers in ear] Hmm, to hear that the change of closers doesn’t start with me or you.
Bryan Abreu – He’s finally settled into his early season struggles, and has been getting saves. Hello, and, by the by, what happened to Hader? Dude has been undergoing renovations for three months?
Keaton Winn – I don’t know what’s going on with Vitello and his sun-baked mind with his “just use boys” bull tactics, but maybe Winn will be the next boy they try.
Cole Winn – If you put Cole Winn on the ballot in West Virginia, you’ll get 50% of the vote without campaigning. Skip Schumaker tried everyone in Texas as a closer, who couldn’t hit anyone. Maybe now you are trying someone who can’t. Do it for Cole Winn, do it for West Virginia, do it for the future of power.
Sell it
Munetaka Murakami – I still love Murakami. Please don’t yell at me. I’m not saying Murakami is a bargain at his draft day price. No, he got a deal on his draft day price. If you can’t get the best value in a trade now, you shouldn’t trade him. I’m just saying that third basemen are expensive BBQ sauce like an eye dropper in a glass of water, then spread over the chicken. They are weak sauce. Arenado is a top 10 player and is available in most leagues in this column! So, you trade Murakami for a good starter and take Arenado. It’s a fall from Murakami to Arenado but Arenado plus Starter? It depends on the launcher. Why even trade Murakami anyway? However, in the last ten years (excluding 2020), there has been one hitter with Murakami’s K% and hit higher than .247 (Javier Baez in 2021). Murakami is hitting .150 vs. It took me seven seconds to come up with a plan of attack. When did MLB pitchers stop throwing him fastballs? If that happens, I’m afraid Murakami might crash back down to earth. I wouldn’t trade Murakami for a bottle of Ben Gay and more Ben, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore the options.
