Edwin Diaz he went to IL with loose bodies at the elbow, that is, David Caruso flipped his sunglasses down and said, “It’s like Ed-lose 12 weeks.” He will undergo a procedure to remove the loose bodies (have you ever tried to take drastic measures about the loose traps?) and can return in July/August. Timetables vary from six to 12 weeks, which is a big difference, but Dodgers said he would wait three months. In the other league, Tanner Scott, and Alex Vesia were already taken, so I grabbed Blake Treinen, and the High Imperfect Voice rang from the top of my roof. I asked LDV, why are you laughing and LDV did not answer. Then I asked the ceiling, “Is it because I picked up Blake Treinen?” and LDV said, in a loud voice, “Yeah, stupid! Wasn’t clear? Wrong, LDV! Yesterday, I said Will Klein was interesting, but I should have mentioned that I caught him in an NL-Only league. Everyone else was taken. He only seems interesting because he’s their best target. It’ll be Alex Vesia / Tanner Scott, in a way, then maybe Treinen gets a save or two when those guys can’t go, because the Dodgers win a lot of games, then maybe Will Klein, and those other guys are overworked. Dave Roberts said it won’t be the same guy, even after the dust settles. If you’re crying about Edwin Diaz, you can’t blame allergies. Anyway, here’s what I saw in fantasy baseball:
Josh Hader – Ready to face live fighters. Great, I just wasted the last year teaching wax figures how to be beaten.
Christian Walker – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. How was I able to put Walker in every league last year when he woke up, couldn’t hit, and is now nowhere? It doesn’t seem likely, but alas. I am proof that!
Isaac Paredes – 3-for-5, with his first and second homers. Sleep, Jon Snow, I have a hot schmotato watch!
Spencer Arrighetti – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 2.45, but that’s only two starts, and SP. Arrighetti looks set to unite his owners with a noodle. I’m not sure I’ll use the Streamonator on him until I see something decent.
Slade Cecconi – 5 IP, 6 ER, 6.20 ERA. Clear Slade from your team.
Brendan Donovan – Beat IL So bad, so sad—Wait, stand up, Colt Emerson called…? No? Oh, crap, Colt’s got a wrist injury. The Mariners manager and your neighbor, Dan Wilson, told the media that Emerson was dealing with an injury.
Raleigh – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer. What an ass! (Commendation)
Dominic Canzone – 2-for-3 with his 3rd homer. I’m sure there’s someone more trashed by their team than Canzone, but I can’t think of anyone. Some of the best metrics are; it hits everything hard; Sailors can use anger, and they never play him.
Emerson Hancock – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.83. He’s beaten the home run ball a bit, but because his command is so pure he doesn’t get hit on 3-run homers.
Carlos Cortes – 4-for-5, and his 2nd homer, as he hit 3rd, hitting .333. Car-Cor, making a fool of the brothers! If you know that reference, it’s cool, and you’re too old. Cortes is a power hitter, who makes a lot of contact. If he has one major drawback, he seems to knock everything into the ground. Don’t hate him for the 15-team mixed league flyer, but he’s involved in shallow leagues.
Nick Kurtz – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer, hitting .227. The Marla Gibbs line! You see Kurtz hit a highlight reel and you just have to give that eye roll.
Shea Langeliers – 1-for-5 with his 7th homer, hitting .303. Thank you, Mr. Bangeliers, I wish I had another.
Sal Stewart – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (8) and walks (5), hitting .289. Sal has all the Italian juice! Send some Pasquantino! Sal has the April I would have liked from Ohtani. Ol’ 40/30 speed.
Rhett Lowder – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.10. His peripherals aren’t the worst I’ve ever seen, but they’re pretty close. You have Gallen to thank for not being too bad.
Edwin Uceta – Dealing with shoulder stress. This is a new shoulder issue since the shoulder replacement that took place in March. Think that’s because of the shoulder injury. Uceta will have to use his imagination to overcome another shoulder injury.
Ryan Pepiot – He felt some instability in his hip while playing catch and it was considered to be a setback. Huey Lewis, “That’s a hip to take care of.”
Max Meyer – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.60. Look at this guy, who wants to be traded for the Marlins! Soon, my beautiful! 10.1 K/9, 4 BB/9, 3.76 xFIP and a near-impossible slider and changeup made me a believer.
Agustin Ramirez – 1-for-4 with his second homer. I hope he gets hot because A) I have him in multiple leagues. B) People keep asking to abandon him. C) There is no C.
Michael McGreevy – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.29. His numbers are reminiscent of Mike Leake. No one has ever compared favorably to Mike Leake. Mike Leake was also the last name of a player that sounded like Bart calling Moe’s Tavern. Bo Naylor is a little too risqué. Streamonator won’t like McGreevy (lack of K’s), and I can’t recommend him, except for NL-Only.
Jake Irvin – 5 IP, 3 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, 6.00 ERA. That wasn’t a great start, but it’s also the best I could have hoped for from the first schmohawk start of this week’s doubleheader, where I almost sat on the bench so many times I forgot I started him (I did him; NL-Only).
Daylen Lee – 1-for-3 with his second homer, hitting .284. Come on, preseason sleeper, Daylen Lile, get hot, you oh bee!
Matt Olson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. 29 more homes!
Bryce Elder – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, 1.50 ERA. His peripherals are remarkably good number three to four. It doesn’t look spectacular. An amazing estimate. It’s amazingly accurate.
Jonathan India – Hit IL with shoulder subluxation. Hello, that’s new, Uceta!
Jac Caglianone – 1-for-4 with his first homer. He is tired, I dropped him on Sunday! Now I will cry until they drag me in a straitjacket.
Seth Lugo – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.15. Lugo looked better than Bradish (which is hard to do), but the Orioles offense may not be as bad as the Royals, but it didn’t look that far.
Lucas Erceg – 1 IP, 1 ER, 6.48 ERA, and another save. There were some fake people out there writing Erceg right after I wrote Carlos Estevez, and I just want to say I haven’t forgotten about you! I hope you enjoy Erceg, and how much higher his move rate is than his K!
Kyle Bradish – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 13 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.68. He tied his owners to a WHIPping post while dancing between basic rain hits. When I watched the game–Nay, as Fonzie’s horse said, I didn’t watch the game, I had my hands in front of my eyes, afraid he would give up a big hit on one of the many scoring opportunities the Royals squandered. Any other team would have got at least six runs from him. It was truly a hitter pitcher encountering an unstoppable offense.
Leody Taveras – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his second homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!
Max Muncy – 4-for-4, 4 runs, and his 7th and 8th homers. Max is a Muncist!
Dalton Rushing – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homers. He’s about to start picking him up in the minor leagues, and that doesn’t mean he’s on Smith’s bench. At this point, you get enough DH and 1B at-bats.
Justin Wrobleski – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.88. Fun fact! Wrobleski was voted as the last character in Fargo’s season.
TJ Rumfield – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer. And if there is any chance don’t start him, because he didn’t start the game: Sonavabench!
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his second homer, hitting .354. Love that I got Cake Batter one of those years when he hit 17 homers. I love it!
Reid Detmers – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Maybe things go sideways, but this wasn’t it. His subtle stats still stand.
Dylan Cease – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.10. I haven’t seen Cap up in Anaheim since Gwen Stefani refused to sign her photo with Gavin Rossdale.
Aaron Nola – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.06. The really exciting thing about Nola is that he could have a 6+ ERA this year and next March people will be like, “You know what, I’m going to draft Nola! He’s got great peripherals!”
Dansby Swanson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. He was surprised when he scored 9th place. Now I can do the Pete Crow-Armstrong (0-for-3, 1 run, hitting .214) crack, but anything associated with hitting the ball at bat as “bat explosion” should not be mentioned in relation to PCA.
Colin Rea – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.00. His base stats aren’t the worst I’ve seen, but he’s mostly a Streamonator call in most mixed leagues.
Mick Abel – Hit IL with elbow swelling. It sounds like Abela is gone. Kendry Rojas is promoted. He looks like he has zero command, and will only be AL-On for now. Connor Prielipp can also be called up, and he’s very interesting to me (better command), but for now he’s AL-Only.
Robert Garcia – He went through an MRI on this shoulder. Guardians are optimistic. Clean, MRI partially filled.
Sonny Gray – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. He left the game with a strained hamstring. She couldn’t read his lips, but I’m sure he wasn’t yelling, “Hey, my legs are tight, I’m squeezing my leg now to feel a little, ooh, yeah, this is good for women. Tyler Samaniego was called, so that’s where he’s at. When Gray’s turning point is about to come, Payton Tolle might be on his way. Payton Tolle sounds like a quick way, and it makes sense that he hasn’t been promoted because those things take forever in Boston.” They’re still working on The Big Dig, and Paul Revere broke that 250 in the minors, raise him! He went 11.4 K/9, 2.4 BB/9 last year in 91 2/3 IP. I didn’t have a good debut last year, but he deserves another.
Jack Flaherty – 3 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners (6 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 3.47. There are guys who are fun to watch, Jack Flaherty is not one of them. There are pitches where he only misses, he pitches the ball three feet from the plate. “Count 3-2 and, oops, I’ll just throw this one in the dirt for os and g!” That’s him. All pitchers (all players, if they’re being honest) have flaws, but Flaherty doesn’t seem to mind half of his games. Like if you see inside his head, you will see a movie of a person holding his hand under his armpit making a noise. Calling him Jack Fattery.
