What a dumb park the A’s and Brewers played in last night. And I loved you. Until we have baseball on the moon, this is the best we’ll have. What were they thinking moving this team to Vegas? It’s crazy, I love it so much. Did you think Bing Bong Stadium in SacTown was going to be the “You want to see helicopters, I’ll show you helicopters” guy from Goodfellas? Vegas will be the Home Run Derby every game. Release the money balls overtime. For every five homers, we get an extra inning in Vegas. At the park last night, the infield dirt looked like cement. That park looked unfit to host an MLB game. Who thought of this? Why? I laugh out loud. Any hoo! Shea Langeliers (3-for-7, 2 RBIs) started things off (I’m still laughing they actually played a game in that park, what were they thinking) with his 17th homer. Next, we had Nick Kurtz (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 13th and 14th homers; Zack Gelof (2-for-6, 2 runs) with his 7th homer; Jonah Heim hit them with Heim’s 4th homer, then Tyler Soderstrom (3-for-4, 4 RBIs) with his 9th and 10th homers. On the other side of the diamond (if it was a diamond, it looked more marked than Manuel Noriega’s face), Brice Turang (1-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, Jake Bauers (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 12th homer, William Contreras, his 33rd RBI, 33 RBIs at home, and Andrew Vaughn (4-for-6, 4 RBIs) hit in the second. Some of those guys are obvious, but Vaughn is so interesting because he seems to have come up last year and this year? He actually hits the ball straight down. It’s still early in his batting profile (he’s only in 27 games played). He doesn’t hit at all, and seems like a solid buy. If nothing else, get in every single player for the A’s and Brewers while they’re at Bing Bong South, a park where they shouldn’t be playing 100%. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Max Muncy – 1-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs as activated from IL. It’s time to play Super Bing Bong in Vegas. Yes, this is Ma’s Muncy.
Kyle Harrison – 2 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 2.72. We found the cure for Harrison’s good pitch, the oxygen they pump into the casinos and arenas of Vegas.
Victor Scott II – Made for children. It would be nice if they had a Victor Scott III to turn to, so really, they should have a list of Victor Scott I through Victor Scott IX. Alas, the Cards are not so lucky either. Instead they will turn to Nathan Church, who was set up. He was 5/4/.247 in 146 ABs before the shoulder injury, so, if healthy, could be something in the deep leagues.
Matt Shaw – Configured in IL. That’s a preseason sleeper, Matt Shaw–[dodges tomato] That’s right! That’s right! You need time to play.
Trey Mancini – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was brought up by the Angels, after not appearing in an MLB game since 2023. The Angels look at the league like it’s a giant Antiques Roadshow. Giving Trey Mancini to the commentator, “What have I got here, lady?” “Well, it looks like a 2019 relic, which was popular in Baltimore. It doesn’t have a lot of value, but it’s not as bad as your other jewelry box with Nick Madrigal’s face on it.”
Grayson Rodriguez – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 8.10. Antiques Roadshow reviewer and, “Wow, you’ve got a lot of heritage from Baltimore. This jar looks like it’s been held together by crazy glue, and it’s very fragile.”
Kirby Yates – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 5.23, and another blown save. Antiques Roadshow appraiser, “Why do you have this? This is not an antique. This is a Snapple cap that says, ‘Better luck next time.'”
Zach Neto – 1-for-4 with his 13th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Antiques Roadshow appraiser and, “Oh, this piece is actually worth something. What is it, you want to trade it for Michael Conforto?”
Spencer Arrighetti – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.21. I’m not thinking of selling the guy, obviously because of the setback it’s possible, but maybe he’s better than me. Look, I have faith in you!
Richie Martin Jr. – Sold to the Rockies. He lives in the Rockies.
Connor Griffin – I will not return as soon as possible, after visiting Dr. Meister about his flexibility. Dr. Meister, Tommy Johnster, Out-A-Year-ster, Don’t-Want-To-Hear-Anymore-ster.
Max Scherzer – He will return on Wednesday. Color me if he comes back in a DeLorean from 2013.
Ernie Clement – 2-for-4 with his 7th homer, and second homer in three games. Oh, by the by, Vlad Jr. he has three employees a year. It’s delicious!
Adolis Garcia – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 3rd homer of the week. Zombino puts his hand on the ground, and I reach to help them up, but he shakes me. They sigh, “I will live in the dust, but I need grass to breathe.”
Christopher Sanchez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.54. Two earned runs?! What a mess!
Marcelo Mayer – 1-for-2 with his 3rd homer, hitting .222. When I say that editing Marcelo Mayer into fiction is like saving someone from that position, you have to trust me on that. Corner. Also, he has the same number of homers as Vlad Jr.
Connelly Early– 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 3.30 ERA. Don’t often fade starters that can go 5 IP, unless it’s burst, and I don’t know what this is. Before he threw 96 pitches and I couldn’t go five? Have they stopped having gym classes in primary schools?
Yandi Diaz – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Narrative: Yandy was the only homer last year because of George Steinbrenner Field? Ixnay to Andy-yay. Andy-Yay is actually a good nickname. He might go and start calling her that.
Logan Webb – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Webb gem!
Jung Hoo Lee – 4-for-5, 2 runs, batting .33 and hitting close to .500 in the month of June. Sorry, Jun Hoo Lee! Hot schmotato alert!
Keaton Winn – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 3.23 ERA, as he blew a Giants save and Clayton Beeter (1 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 3.93 ERA) took a nasty turn and got the win, as he pitched the 8th, as Gus Varland (1 IP, 0 ER, 4.01 ERA) got the ERA. What I am saying is that these groups do not have close friends. It hasn’t been a year and they still haven’t.
Walker Buehler – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.33. I wouldn’t start Buehler in any mixed league, even if Streamonator likes him. Just the cold facts.
Freddy Fermin – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Freddy got the fingers as the hottest schmotato in the country.
Andrew Abbott – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Abbott hasn’t allowed more than three earned runs since April 24. I bet I dumped him on April 25. Hmm, pretty cool.
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Oh Shizz!
Ryan McMahon – 1-for-2 with his 7th homer, hitting .211. A member of the Wandy Line? If any pitchers were worse than Wandy Rodriguez, who didn’t deserve redemption? Talking nonsense. That being said (here we go!), if there are any hitters hitting below Ryan McMahon for average, they should be sent to the minors. That’s you, Manny Machado.
Is Warren – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.28. It’s not the best start, obviously, but he’s pitching everything as it seems, which is a serviceable number four starter. We don’t talk much about the Yankees when it comes to good pitching development, but they’re not begging.
Angel Martinez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Hello, if not Mr. April! Dave Winfield called, he wants his moniker back!
Gavin Williams – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.32. He does a lot in his game log. It’s like lights out, off, off, off, OH CRAP WHAT IS THAT, off, off, off. Yesterday, it was just. A new look.
Chris Bassitt – Hit IL with a backache. It’s hard to find the O’s big offseason.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, a grand slam. He was the first 25th player on Player Rater coming into this game, and that’s not very good. It’s too early for him, and I believe.
Emerson Hancock – 5 IP, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.74. He was about as shaken as I’ve ever seen him, but Hancock held on. Uh, I mean, Hancock didn’t come up short–either. I mean don’t scratch Hancock–you know what, forget it.
JP Crawford – Beat IL, after being beaten by Framber. Shall we stop Framber, please? Not because he hit JP but because I don’t want to start him I keep doing it.
Colt Emerson – Late scratching and back pain. He mutters under his breath, “I’m not going to be a Boomer…” He gasps, out loud, “But a 20-year-old is sitting outside with an ulcer at Cal Ripken Jr.’s house!” I had to make a tough call. It was between Colt and Chandler Simpson, who is also nursing an injury. I went with the Colt because I realized that any move I made would set me back. Eat Arby’s!
