The Tigers are pound-for-pound a mess, and that was contributed by Colt Keith (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs), as he had a slam (1) and walks (3). The first home run and the third steal sounds almost unreal. In Player Rating, we have how much a player has during the season and how much per game. Colt Keith’s price per game is $10 for about 200 at-bats. That sounds like some kind of record – Let’s call it Milli Vanilli’s record – but Keith isn’t even in the bottom five of guys with 190+ ABs and that’s not bad. Do you want to know yourself? Okay, this is sad though: Jeff McNeil (-$15), Luis Rengifo (-$14.6), Steven Kwan (-$13.6, and he’s the most oversubscribed of these guys), Tyler Stephenson (-$11.6), and Caleb Durbin (-$10.5). Also, in this game, Spencer Torkelson (1-for-4, 2 RBIs, 10th homer, hitting .211) is 19th worst (-$5.5). Zach McKinstry (2-for-3, 2nd homer, hitting .192)? Oh, yes, he’s ugly too! Per game at ($10.7) and $22.6 per year, but less than 150 ABs. Wenceel Perez (1-for-1, 2 RBIs, 7th homer) is also dangerous ($6); Really cool. Gleyber Torres (1-for-4, 4th homer) is just average per game ($3.7), but worst on the year ($7). Finally, Riley Greene (1-for-3, 2 RBIs) hit his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, as he hit .301. Not bad at all ($8.3/game) As mentioned the other day, Greene’s BABIP is very high (.411). He’s actually a .270 hitter, so some adjustments are going to happen and he’s closer to a guy with 25 homers than the 36 homers he had last year, but that could change if he hits a few. He still hits the ball hard; it’s just that his HR/FB% is out. So, Riley is really good, he just doesn’t compare to the other Berry Grody hitters of Motown Malapropisms. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tarik Skubal – He will return on Saturday. He quickly returned to help the Tigers into the playoffs–in fact, he was told it was a contract year.
James Outman – The Tigers have been granted waivers. That will do. That will fix them. They are fixed now.
Keider Montero – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.61. He’s actually as bad as a leadoff hitter (6 K/9, 2.1 BB/9), but as a lucky hitter. Way to be consistent, Tigers!
Zebby Matthews – 6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.20. Twins seem to have a huge gap between “how good people think their prospects are” and “how good they really are.” Yes, Zebby, you are destined to sell real estate in Tampa with Alex Kirilloff!
Adolis Garcia – He pulled a muscle in his shoulder. He was the only real case this year of possible Zombinos. Alas, the Zombies have fallen on hard times. I suspect cheap wooden stakes. More evidence Adolis isn’t healthy, the Phils traded Derek Hill, and he was about to be DFA’d, due to Braden Montgomery’s promotion, so, yeah, not much for him either.
Luis Robert Jr. – Hope to come back this year. Oh…[walks from Vancouver to Cape Horn]…good.
Christian Scott – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.10, and I have to find a new guy to pick up in my RCL because you get a must-win matchup against the Cards at home and make a mistake, then I move on. These are the rules I just made.
Juan Soto – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 14th homer. Know that I love Sexy Dr. Pepper, but it doesn’t sound like it: When the Mets are going good or bad, Soto does exactly what he always does, and he doesn’t get too high or too low on good or bad vibes. A consummate professional who just shrugs off whether things are good or bad. Maybe that’s a good thing, I don’t know.
Bo Bichette – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .227. The Marla Gibbs Line! However, Marla Gibbs? He’s still alive at 94! Stay blessed!
Jared Young – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, 2nd homer of the week. He will be in the shopping column this afternoon. That will really tempt you to come back later! Jared Young! The guy you thought was Jacob Young about a minute before you started reading this!
Hunter Dobbins – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.63. I was expecting Dobbins to not be so great under the hood, but he’s holding up well so far – Hogwarts and all. It sits at 9.9 K/9, 3.6 BB/9, 3.21 xFIP, but it’s only 17 1/3 IP, and his career numbers say he’s not that good, but I’m not against the monocle.
Alec Burleson – 1-for-4 with his 11th homer, 3rd homer in three games. He has the same number of homers in three games as Vlad Jr. which he has all year, he said while looking at the rainy afternoon. The rain poured down the window as if she were crying.
Lars Nootbaar – 2-for-4 with his second homer. He only played a week’s worth of games. If you’re wondering what kind of hitter Lars is, he’s a 12-homer hitter. Catch him if that interests you. And if you do, he says, “Sometimes you feel like Noot, sometimes you don’t.”
Jimmy Crooks – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his first homer. He didn’t hit that ball all the way to midfield, because it’s not like Crooks is in midfield.
Nolan Jones – Acquired by the White Sox. Every team needs at least one guy that players can point to and be like, “I’m better than him.”
Justin Wrobleski – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.95. Aw, did the stinky pitcher smell? I feel bad! Teach yourself how to mess around with Regression Fairies. They are not pixies.
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-2, 2 runs and his 13th homer, and two homers in two games in Pittsburgh, if anyone thinks he’s good just because of Dodger Stadium. (Just kidding, no one thinks that. Please don’t @ me.)
Mitch Keller – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.14. If I am the Pirates I think I have a way to fix him. They should say to Keller, “Pirates have moved to the Strait of Hormuz, here are our new coordinates. Meet there!”
Brandon Lowe – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. I can’t tell you how I know this (top secret), but Lowe will finish with 24-26 homers, whether he has 24 in July or the last week of September. No, I’m a kid, but you’ve been (relatively) healthy twice in seven years.
Rafael Flores Jr. – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his first MLB homer. Fun fact! Rafael Flores Jr. he is what the black woman said in the movie, Quick Change. So, with Endy injured, Flores Jr. he was remembered. He has power and was hitting .207 in Triple-A.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. Albombso!
Colton Cowser – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 3rd homer of the week, and it keeps coming up in the Buy column, and it will this afternoon as well.
Kyle Bradish – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.30. He turned the corner about a month ago and he liked to turn the corner so much, he turned another corner and went back to the worst. Someone needs to hold up a sandwich board outside Camden that reads, “Stop turning corners.”
Bryan Woo – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.28. He told her to sell him before his previous start. Now, I’m not sure there’s anything you can do with him, other than hold on and pray he fixes his shizz. The problem may be mechanical and those cannot be fixed by snapping a finger.
Luke Raley – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Inner Monologue, “Don’t think about how you’re better with Raley than Vlad Jr.” Hey, Inner Monologue, you got me thinking!
Dominic Canzone – 1-for-4 with his 9th homer. He will have 15+ homers and be a top 20 OF, if he has everyday work.
Cole Young – 3-for-5 with his 5th homer, hitting .255. Cole Young is useless, just call yourself Soot! He was taken to the best place, and I don’t know why Colt Emerson, who came back, didn’t even try there. If she gets sick out of a lead, Imma be so mad.
Kumar Rocker – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 3.56 ERA, and 83 pitches. The rule should be: You can pull a pitcher, uninjured, with less than 90 pitches and three earned runs, but the manager must forfeit the salary for the game. Pulled after allowing 1 hit in 5 with Pasketti stepping up? What the real eff.
Corey Seager – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer, hitting…Guess what he hits. I will help you. He is a career .284 hitter. Guess what you hit. Okay, I’m not helping with the .284. He is hitting .186. It is in 177 ABs.
Michael Wacha – 7 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.58. As the kids say, this guy is cheeky, but disguised as something useful. A butt in glasses trying to get into the movies.
Tyler Phillips – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.86. Because I refuse to forget anything (which I’m right about), Phillips was my first mid-season pick in my Buy column, and, since then, he’s moved into the rotation with great results. If you remember (you don’t), I liked him in Week 1 because he added two MPH to his fastball (up to 96.6). But, is this good? No, I mean far away. The pitch he throws the most (the sinker) gets less than 4% Whiff, which is really good. He’s a ground ball hitter, and this was a long way to say Streamonator.
Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 10th homer, a grand slam. Football!
Carson Kelly – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer. You just searched to see if the Cubs would be better off with Miguel Amaya as their starter. He has 20 HRs and is hitting .233! Oh, that’s 735 job plates. So, yes, do not continue.
Alex Bregman – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .246. If he played all his home games at Coors, he wouldn’t be seen as a 48-year-old who can’t hit a 260-footer. [finger to earbud] Hearing that he doesn’t play home games at Coors. Welp! People only want to tell you about the guys I sold who did well, but I said about a month ago that I took Bregman off your teams. Now the criticism will be, “Grey, great face but no one buys Bregman.” Yes, at home, that’s why I said it on May 15.
Edward Cabrera – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.86. That’s great, and there’s no way I’d start him at Coors. Actually, I might not start any games. [sees on the Streamonator he gets the Rockies next time in Wrigley] Alas, I think I will start him there, and it will fail me.
Cole Carrigg – 2-for-4 with his first homer. We should have some sort of side bet on who will be the better of the two promoted on one day between Braden Montgomery and Carrigg. I don’t think anyone knows. I mentioned Braden over Carrigg, but I also mentioned in their rookie years either and Coors helped a lot. Betting aside, what do you say? Five dollars to me if Braden is better, and five fake dollars to you if Carrigg is better? It sounds right.
Brett Sullivan – 3-for-4, with his 2nd and 3rd homers. Sullivan’s journey (football), after serving at Preston.
