Do you know the concept of Yin/Yang? Explanation online (probably 65% accurate because it’s online): An ancient Chinese philosophy that describes how two opposing, complementary forces interact to create a balanced and connected whole. Let’s use that to describe two of the Mets’ biggest stars. Think you have Yin, let’s call them, Juan Soto. They get hurt and then Yang, let’s call them, Francisco Lindorhas nearly three home runs. Do you see how this works? Soto limps toe, Lindor steals second easily. Soto sneezes and “God bless you” is what we say about Lindor’s hit. Soto teams up with Emma Stone to film in the Mets’ dugout about how much the Mets suck, and Lindor takes the Mets to victory. It’s that simple. Yesterday, Francisco Lindor went 3-for-5, 6 RBIs with his 7th and 8th homer, and he almost missed the 3rd homer by about six inches. It was because Soto had just eaten an arepa that had an extra six inches of cheese on it. They are an interconnected web. Francisco Lindor has the potential to have a solid 2nd half, but we’ll have to do something about Juan Soto. Oh wait, the Mets say Soto will play 100% again this season. Oh, thank you, Mets doctors! Very convincing! I am 100% sure of that now! I think, good for Lindor. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Zac Thornton – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.43. This one will light up your Christmas tree, but I just gave you the legend of Zac Thornton.
Marcus Semien – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and second homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Tyrone Taylor – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, and second homer in two games as well. Hmm, I regret not catching him in NL-Only. He seems to be a deep flight in the league right now, but he may still not face the righties.
Ozzie Albies – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, 3rd homer this week. As I said in Friday’s Sell, I have Albies, so I hope he will heat, and, honestly, I think I should probably sell him in May.
Martin Perez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.49. There is one league where I submit a FAAB request for Perez every week, but he is always behind someone else (this week Keider Montero was 1st and then Perez) so I never get Perez, and Perez always plays better. I don’t know my point. Stupid points. Eff points!
Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-4, 1 run as activated from IL. I usually just make a Kevin from ESPN goof, but I wanted to point out how I saw Acuña’s rehab at-bat on Friday where he clearly waved and limped back to the dugout and, man and five women, I don’t know. You can feel good about this.
Cody Bellinger – It takes four to six weeks. This is similar to the sadness that Cody felt on 4/21, but for six weeks.
Fried Max – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.23. I love the way people are evil. It adds an interesting wrinkle! Yes, you can still get hurt. No, I don’t know.
Ali Sanchez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his first career hit, after debuting in 2020. Ha, and do you think the Yanks offense needs hitters? Please. They have Ali Larter. I mean, Sanchez. I think.
Curtis Mead – 0-for-1 as he bats second. LFG! I love Mead. I’m a drunk Viking. [a few innings later] He is out after being hit on the wrist. Is I. dot dot. Are you cursed? It sounds like Mead will be fine, but we’ll see. Or not. Take your pick!
Ceddanne Rafaela – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer, a grand slam, that is, a grand slam, thank you, Ceddanne. Actually, that’s not ie I don’t know what that is. Bullying with bullets? That would make a great t-shirt. “What’s your rant about bullets?’ What does the shirt mean?” Oh, well, you know.
Payton Tolle – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.32. Does that tame Bing Bong’s wild beast? I probably feel like because I have to ask I don’t, but five and three and two achieved today sounds like a Quality Start. “Only two homes allowed? Wow, what a great start!”
Tyler Soderstrom – 1-for-3 with his 17th homer. Mead and Soderstrom spotted in the same game? What is that, sparkling cider? (I should have stopped before that.)
Jonah Heim – 1-for-4 with his 10th homer. Hit them with Heim!
Spencer Steer – Hit IL with a wrist injury and you will miss significant time. Cursed are the Reds. There is no team I hope for in March, they disappoint me every year. It’s just brutal. Don’t buy Great American Ballpark into being a hitters’ place. It’s only for players and not writers.
George Kirby – 4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.98. The Mariners starters are very good this year. Sadly, they want to trade one of the most consistent (Hancock) to reveal their new great starter (Kade Anderson – yes, we hid him).
Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4 with his 13th homer, and second homer in two games. The Rice Bowl doesn’t go quietly into that good night, God bless you for selling it, I think.
Kumar Rocker – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.03. I kicked myself for being a chicken and not spreading it, but do chickens have feet that can kick themselves? I ran into a metaphorical problem. An escape room for the mind. Any hoo! Streamonator of whether you can start Rocker.
Ezequiel Duran – 2-for-4 with his 12th homer, and second homer in two games. Hot schmotato, sure, but also how bad is it that he had a better season than Corey Seager? It’s not even remotely close. On Player Rater, Ezequiel is close to 100 overall; Seager is close to 900th overall.
Jake Burger – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, 2nd homer in three games. I rub ketchup on my chin, so when I say, “Thanks, Burger,” my wife doesn’t think I’m crazy.
Joc Pederson – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homers. His split for the 2025 to 2026 season will be read one day. In a class called, Shizz No One Cares About. It will be well attended. (Required for Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.)
Jameson Taillon – Designed for assignment. His assignment is to send a letter to Whom It May Concern to the front offices of the Angels and Rockies.
Alex Bregman – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .241. Wow, you smell! [checks to see if Vlad Jr. has been better or worse] Whew, Vlad is about 70 spots better than Bregman while he’s only around 170 on Player Rater.
Nico Hoerner – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .254. If he’s dropped, he’s the kind of guy who could hit .330 over the last two months. Or trade him, maybe.
David Peterson – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.80. If the Cubs deal Peterson, then shut the Mets down until further notice. Fumicate clubhouse!
Tyler Phillips – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Float like a hummingbird without a care in the world, I’ve been watching Phillips in multiple leagues and it hasn’t hurt me yet. It will do! Absolutely! But for now.
The Griffin Conine – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Someone heard me call Jackson Holliday Nepo Baby, and Conine was like, “No! Daddy said I could have that nickname!”
Heriberto Hernandez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .245, but a good month — 7 HRs, hitting almost .300 and two steals — that’s a 40/12 pace, and that may be higher than expected for the carrier, but he’s been good and the basic numbers seem solid.
Bryce Harper – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .252. It was very hot in Miami, after his homer, Bryce went back to the dugout and poured the green milk that stuck like straw on his beard.
Andres Chaparro – 1-for-2 with his 5th homer. Chaparro said a’la Kirk Douglas, “I’m Curtis Mead…” Another Nats player, “No, I’m Curtis Mead…” Another Nats player, “No, I’m Curtis Mead…”
Zack Wheeler – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.53. Wheeler’s Kryptonite: the middle cases. Don’t give him Punch & Judy’s!
Mitch Keller – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.83 vs. Merrill Kelly – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.86. David Letterman voice, “M. Keller…M. Kelly…M. Keller…M. Kelly…Uma…Oprah…”
Tatsuya Imai – 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.83. If your starter should fail to get out of the first inning, this is a great way to do it! Not sarcasm! It sucks. Of course! But at least it’s not a 2/3 IP, 7 ER start. Thank you, Mayor Blubaugh.
Taylor Trammell – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Walbert Urena – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.70. It’s probably the exact same story as Tyler Phillips. At one point, I was like, “Who cares what the numbers are? I’ve got to start this schmohawk until it’s wrong.” Sometimes it is better to be a fool than to be wise.
Sam Bachman – 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA in 4.30 saves, as he hit a batter to tie the game, walked one inherited runner to lose the lead, then fouled out another run. The angel pen is placed in the clinic. Sorry, there was a short pause and the sentence ended up being clinical and it should have been a depressed shit.
Tyler Mahle – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.96 vs. Brandon Sproat – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, 5.05 ERA. This matchup was called “Sproat’s at T. Nice? What kind of granola crap is this? I want carnitas!” Also, Streamonator is for both.
Kerry Carpenter – Beat IL because of his foot. There must have been a lot of people left.
Keider Montero – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 3.34 ERA. FAAB’s top buy for Sunday and it was great until I picked him up. I’m sorry, that’s on me.
Kyle Bradish – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.74. After a second, Keider pulled Bradish out. Hmm. Maybe I’m pretty.
Tyler O’Neill – 1-for-1 with his 7th homer. If you have an “Arm Race To Win” category in your league, Tyler O’Neill is your man! (Assuming Yandy is taken.)
Coby Mayo – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. Put a little Mayo on the bread, and toast? Indeed. Add a little Mayo to your dream team? Um, how desperate are you?
Jackson Holiday – 4-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .243. His rating went up 19 points yesterday. Someone doesn’t like to be called Nepo Baby. Good, because that’s Griffin Conine! His father said so.
Max Scherzer – 2 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9.49 ERA since being activated from IL. Max will continue to take the ball for the Jays in their quest to finish the season. Not for a winning record or a playoff spot, but for now let’s see if they can finish the season. I’m trying to think of making $363 million in my life like Scherzer, and I’m still out there and trying to fight for the last team, but right now we have a trillionaire who spends his time on social media, and, boy, I’m going to be on a tropical island somewhere learning how to sew a basket, and teaching the locals how to play basketball.
