Try not to make ledes with the same player, especially not in quick succession, though Gavin Williams working on fire right now and there were five games yesterday.
MLB makes its plan: Rob Manfred, “Let’s put a game here, and here…”
“Hey Rob, I know how you make a schedule.” Like putting 34 games on Wednesday and five games on Thursday, but if you say, ‘Let’s put a game here and there…’ You pin games on a chicken, and why do you do this blindfolded and why are there chickens in your office?
Gavin’s dope, so let’s take it back! Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.78. His baseball numbers are some of the best in baseball as well. That’s why I included him in my Buy column during the break. I’ll buy it for Gavin–Wait, that’s not what I mean. Grab your wieners here! His 11.1 K/9, 2.6 BB/9, 2.98 xFIP and 45.6% GB pop rate, dad. No fools, those are better than Paul Skenes, Chris Sale and Chase Burns. Combined! No, it is not included. I don’t even know what that means. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Patrick Bailey – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer this week, which I knew without looking. Not because I’m related to him. Not because I have all of his rookie cards and plan to retire on them–of course, I do, but that’s not the reason. I know because I’m actually putting this schmohawk in the same league, and benching him this week. Sonavabench!
Hello Bradley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.69. Do you know how I was manipulating Gavin’s numbers? Well, I wasn’t there! Fluff doesn’t mean that! (I just Googled it.) I was talking about Gavin’s stats being some of the best in baseball and Taj’s are. dot dot. It’s not that bad! Not as good as Gavin’s, but 10.1 K/9, 3.6 BB/9 playable.
France – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting, well, let’s keep that a secret for a second. So, I took France yesterday to get a call – who am I, Napoleon? – and he came home, so if I took France on Opening Day, I would get something like 162 homers from France this year. Don’t do the math yourself, you make weird faces when you do the math and it makes you look bad. So, Part II: Another So, Huh?: In the Buy column this afternoon, I made a negative comment about Vlad Jr. and how France despised him. Yes, but he can’t touch Vlad Jr. when it comes to balance, right? France is hitting .275! That’s almost twenty points more than Vlad Jr.!
Griffin Canning – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6.97 ERA. “That could be me!” That’s Chris Paddack blowing the wind.
Chris Sale – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.19. I can’t tell if sales are limited, limited, or just rated. I think it’s the last option, but not if you count A, B, C, because, you know.
Ozzie Albies – 2-for-4, and his 16th homer, and second homer in four games. Good things happen when Ozzie keeps his head on that bat.
Dominic Smith – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer. Dom Smith will have zero in one homer this year for another team. There’s just something about the Braves that brings out the best. However, except for Austin Riley (1-for-4), who returned to misery.
Michael Harris II – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 19th homer. For some reason, Megahertz reminded me of Kurtz, and I muttered, “MegaKurtz,” so much that Cougs was like, “You’re mumbling nonsense again.” I know, dear!
Drake Baldwin – 1-for-4 with his 19th homer. As our man VinWins mentioned in yesterday’s commentary, Drake Baldwin jumped 44 spots last week on Player Rater (and now probably more with a home run), and Baldwin is back in the top 20 overall. Crazy year for catchers. Two catchers are in the top five overall, and Dillon Dingler is almost in the top 10 overall for all players! Like everybody saw a catcher hit 60 homers last year and was like, “You like that? Why didn’t you say anything? I can do that!”
Tyler Locklear – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his first homer. He was three times short of the cycle. Otherwise known as the Biscuit Pants Cycle.
Brandon Pfaadt – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.43. He has a 2.49 ERA in July. Wait, it gets better! [sees he has 12 Ks in 21 2/3 IP in that time] Okay, no, it doesn’t get any better. I could see him trying, but a tantrum seemed imminent.
Michael McGreevy – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.07. A final note on Pfaadt: “Hiding seems to be around the corner?” Yes, that was McGreevy all season and he still has a 3.07 ERA, which would lead all my leagues.
Troy Melton – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.95. It’s funny how some pitchers come up, don’t pitch well, but have these great ERAs. Melton, another. It never hurts for any pitcher not to go guys. Melton’s 2.9 BB/9 isn’t stellar, but his 8.3 K/9 makes it work, enough. See, it’s funny!
James Outman – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. The Great Knoche told people to pick up Outman yesterday in today’s game. Well played my man! Yes, it wasn’t to steal, but are you turning your nose up now? Shame on you. (He tried to steal again, but was caught.)
Isaac Collins – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. I brought Bartender down in one of my deep leagues last week, and this past Sunday someone picked him up and I chanted, “You fool! You’re disgusting!” But stupid, disgusting, I was.
Randy Dobnak – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.42. Even more impressive, he drove the entire team to the stadium in his Ford Escape.
Ian Seymour – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.64 as he was following Casey Legumey. Yarbro’s strong looks, and his subpar numbers are worth it, too [giant red flag] He was against the Blew Jays.
Shane Bieber – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.70. It’s time to get into Bieber! …okay, so I Googled Bieber and watched six hours of music videos. What does this have to do with Shane Bieber? Bieber’s base numbers are staggering, and it’s good that he put together a few good starts. He’s better than fired, but iffy at best. Maybe a Streamonator, if desperate.
James Triantos – You have been called thieves. How cool is this:
Hearing that the Cubs are calling up James Triantos to make his MLB debut.
— Geoff Pontes (@GeoffPontesBA) July 23, 2026
That’s Ralph, our senior columnist, breaking news. Meanwhile, our current prospection Itch writer wants to break her knees (mine). Itch also had this to say about James Triantos, “It’s easy to like the contact-rich Triantos, who hit just 9.7 percent of the time in 89 Double-A games while hitting .300/.345/.437 with seven home runs and 38 stolen bases. It’s hard to see how he’ll pick up this club in 2, 20. right-handed hitter at 5’11” 195 lbs who it can be play a second or third time but it’s not good in any area. Although today it looks like he blocked about seven different ways, but things can change in a hurry whenever the team starts planning. I would like to arrange my knuckles in Grey’s face.” Brother, come on! That Itch quote was from 2025, as Triantos sorta passes out with no apparent way out, due to your arteries clogging after eating a Godmother sub. You still have a lot of anxiety during play. He’s 23 years old now (are you an ancestor website?) and has gone 7/18/.306 with an 11.6 K% in Triple-A. He’s a kind man who doesn’t give up on the dream, but he should be a big leaguer. Too bad, Bo Bichette is bad. Best of all, Bo Bichette is great. Is there an average Bichette? Is it Bichette?
